After 3 long years, H is home

[GoingForward]

Ok, I'm feeling....You know what? I don't know what I'm feeling right now! I'm sad, mad, feeling like my feelings don't matter much and that I am wrong for not acting as my H wishes.

After my previous post this morning, H woke up - he worked graveyard last night - and I told him that the boys would not be going to their martial arts class this evening because I was going to take them to our niece's (SIL's D) birthday party.

He asked, "(Niece)'s party?....Are you going, too?" I said, "Yes. Why wouldn't I?" H said, "I don't know. I'm just asking.....Why aren't you just dropping them off?"....???.....I said, "Because I'd like to go, too. Is there something wrong with that?" H said, "Well what if (OW) is there?! It wouldn't surprise me if my sister did something stupid like invite the both of you!....I'm just looking out for everyone, ok? It probably wouldn't be good for the both of you to be there."

The first thing that hit me was he SAID her name... ... We had an agreement to not do that! The second, I agree that being around OW would be VERY uncomfortable, but what? Am I the one who shouldn't go? Why not her? And why is he looking out for 'everyone' when he should be looking out for me??!!! Everyone means me, him, SIL, and OW....Who gives a f*** about her??!!!

Anyway, I asked CALMLY, "Can we not say that person's name please? We said we wouldn't do that." H immediately got p*ssed and said, "How about can I get a "good morning, honey! ILY!" and a hug and a kiss?!"

WTF??!!! He does this crap ALL THE TIME where if he feels I'm pointing out that he did something wrong, he IMMEDIATELY gets defensive and turns it around on to me!

Well I walked away. Bit my tongue....for probably about the 10th time this week already....and walked away. Went to make the bed. A few minutes after that, H came into S8's room while I was putting clothes away and said he was just worried that SIL might have had a "B" moment and stupidly invited both OW and me, not thinking about how bad that could be. (B is a friend who makes a LOT of bad choices; never takes the time to stop and think about things.)

I told H that I had already considered that possibility - that OW might be there as well. Hoping she wouldn't be, but what can I do? She is SIL's friend, and it is not my place to tell her who she can or can't invite. I can't remember his exact words, but H said something about how he didn't understand why saying her name upset me. I said, "You were seeing that person for a long time, and because she's friends with your sister, I knew there would be times when she might be around, too. I was prepared to accept that because it wasn't a problem then. But because there was contact after I was told there wouldn't be, well it's a threat to me now. I don't know how else to describe it, but that is how it feels. I worry that this person will disrespect our M by calling again, and I worry that there's a chance you will choose to answer her call again.....We had an agreement to never mention that person's name. You even went and told your mom and SIL to never say her name again." H said, "You're right....I'm just looking out for everyone, that's all," then he walked away and left shortly after that to go to Home Depot.

When he got back, I was in the bathroom curling my hair but didn't notice that he had walked into S12's room. I could hear him but couldn't see him. So H shouted, "(GF)?" I answered back, "Yes?".......Silence......I ask again, louder this time, "What?"........Still silent......I put my curling iron down and went into S12's room (which is just across my room) and asked, "I heard you calling me. Did you need something?" H said in his oh so familiar sarcastic tone, "What I need is for you to not talk to me through walls!"

Had to walk away again.

About 30 seconds later, H knocks on the bathroom door and asks, "Are you going to help me?" I said, "No, I am not." He asked why not, and I told him because I didn't appreciate his tone, and I said that I was sorry that I didn't just drop what I was doing to come to him when HE wanted me to. He didn't say anything and went out into the garage.

We didn't say much to each other after that. Before leaving for work, he said he hoped I had a nice evening, sarcastically of course.

I am sooo freakin' frustrated! I want to pull my hair out!

I knew this was going to be hard....really hard.....but I don't know how much more I can take. I can't seem to please him because he can't seem to understand that things cannot be HIS way every minute of every day. He's not happy that I don't act the way HE wants me to, so he becomes mean and nasty. And I don't even want to try when I feel he gives me no reason to.