Is my WAW really done?

[brantacan]

I posted the following about a week ago in the WAW syndrome forum, but didn’t get much response, so thought I’d try here even though this forum is geared more towards those who have walked away.

so, after 9 months of separation, not always doing the right thing with respect to DB, but trying my best, I received the following e-mail from my WAW. We have been discussing D and even went to a mediator back in Nov, so the topic of D is no surprise, but what is a surprise is her tone at this stage. The last couple of months have been relatively peaceful and we were getting along well. I had even come to peace with the fact that we may be ending our marriage and have been nothing but cooperative and kind. I have not pushed or resisted. She even expressed doubts on 2 occasions in the past month and half.

My signature at bottom kind of sums up the details of when things happened. I most certainly contributed a great deal to the demise of the marriage by taking her for granted, being too controlling, and just not understanding what it means to love unconditionally. I know this pushed her into the EA and then PA with her co-worker. I have devoted a great deal of time trying to learn where I went wrong and believe I have embraced the principles of DB quite well. I'm at a stage in the process where D is not as scary as it used to be, but what is so hurtful is her hateful tone. I have not heard this since she left 9 months ago.

She seems to be depending on me to get the D done even though I made it clear that while I would provide her with all the information she needs for the paperwork, I would not be the one to finalize everything. so maybe this is her guilt being expressed??? Maybe from her perspective it would be much easier if I despised her, so is this an attempt to get me to react and be angry with her? If so, it's not working.

here's the e-mail I received:

"can we set some sort of deadline for finishing the divorce paperwork? I had thought we would be wrapping it up by the end of January, & filled out this year's w-2's as "single" status. this is something that will show legally & I need to have things matched up. I don't want to get screwed on my taxes. I get the feeling that you still think I am "on the fence" about getting divorced. if there is any question about this you need to know that if you sensed confusion or uncertainty about what I want.... this is what I want! I want a divorce! I don't want to be with you. I am not going to change my mind no matter how nice you are to me now or how much you try to show me that you have "changed". I don't care. I am not coming back to you! I want to finish this! I hope we can stay civil about this but we are not going to be buddies right now. I thought that doing this type of a divorce would be possible. is it? are you going to finish it & give it back soon? please stop this cycle that you've got me in & let me go!!! I’m done!"

so that e-mail was at the end of March, just a couple of weeks ago. We met last night, April 9th, for coffee and I gave her the mediation paperwork with all my information filled out. She put the folder in her bag and thanked me, but that was the extent of our conversation about D. she presented no timelines, and basically didn’t say anymore about it and was pleasant and happy. We spent about 40 minutes just catching up and laughing. It was an all around great evening.

Despite our ability to get along well, especially when I don’t resist at all, it really seems as though she has her heart set on ending the M. I think a lot of it has to do w/ the R w/the co-worker going well, but I suppose at this point my best option is just to continue to be the best friend I can be and make every interaction positive and see where that leads. Will be curious to hear from those who have walked. My wife has been out of the house for 10 months now and pretty much seeing OM entire time, although they're not living together.