I thought your call with H sounded like it went really well. I wouldn't worry too much about not getting off the phone first. I hardly ever manage to do that and so far I don't think it's been a huge problem. Especially in the beginning when you're just starting to have a bit more contact I think it's good to be supportive and open....
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Anyway tonight H rings and tells me he has done a bit of research and these are the exact people I should contact, and if they cant help then where i should look next. He had obviously gone online and searched and worked out who could do the work locally. So I was very appreciative. I tired to move the conversation away from such practical matters and I asked if he'd had a good weekend, he answered but definitely more reserved and then he said he had to go.... So its a baby step I think. Dammn I should have been a bit more mysterious and gotten off the phone first.
So H seemed to like that you'd asked for help and wanted to help himself. I think that's GREAT! And isn't it good to have some conversation, even if it was work-ish? Give it time and I think the other stuff will come. In the meantime, I wouldn't ask him what he's up to (I never ask my H what he's doing), but just mention the super-fun things you're doing in a general way. He will still wonder about you and he won't feel pressure to tell you anything (these MLCers are pretty secretive!!)
I love T's idea about breaking things. And that your Dad arranged for H to come round. Has he been yet and did you see him?
And finally....wanting to feel like it's OK to be single. I don't know of any books about that really- other than Why Men Marry BITCHES. It's for sure OK to be single! But much easier, I think, if you are GALing a lot. What's going on on the GAL front by the way? Personally I am happy to be single, but prefer to be in a R. I don't feel incomplete by myself though- just quiet I guess. it's quiet at home. I don't know if it's the same for you?
The babies question is tricky. I would also LOVE to have kids and feel like time is ticking by. Some days CEO is speaking to me and telling me about wanting kids, and I wonder if it would be easier to cut my losses. But then I feel guilty and know I couldn't walk away from my H or my M right now. You have PLENTY of time to have kids- at least another 10 years or more in biological terms......the way I am trying to think about it is to imagine myself with kids. When I do, I think of H's kids....I can't imagine CEOs for example (however charming he is!). I'm not sure if that's any help at all. I know Beth and Ali have the same thoughts and it's such a difficult one to resolve isn't it? Like an insistent longing that's always there. Sigh.
((((((Essie))))))) Couldn't leave you on a sad note like that. You are amazingly sympathetic and successful. And your H is whacko for not making sure you never get near the open market!
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
