Maybe she could take this afternoon to look into Feng Shui (or however it's spelled); just something different.
And I love the act as if.
Mary, honestly, I saw your post earlier and I couldn't bring myself to respond (maybe my advice/response isn't quite what you are looking for anyway). Know why? I just don't sense that anything we say feels right to you. It goes against your grain to do some things that focuses on yourself. It almost seems to me like you are in a place where you may be thinking, "aren't you listening to me! My husband isn't coming home tonight! My world is crashing down!"
We are listening Mary. I do understand the feeling. I know about the knots in your stomach and the feeling like you're going to barf. You can't eat. Your heart is pounding. You feel desperate and don't know what to do. I do know these things and I'm sorry for you.
But I also know that a new relationship with your husband can't bloom from desperation. I know that you need to get yourself to a good place first. I've seen it on here before, it's like the stewardess says, "put on your own mask before turning your attention to help your child or the person next to you". You need to save yourself first, and that means finding the strength to realize you will survive this, one way or another. You CAN make life good for yourself and your daughter.
How do you do that? In little steps, as NikB suggested. Do something, anything, that is for yourself. I found it helpful to work through the worst case scenario and come to grips with it. Denying that things may come to divorce doesn't do anything to make it not happen. Accepting that the worst case scenario (divorce presumably) may happen doesn't do anything to make it more likely to happen. Once you've accepted that you could end up divorced, you can look ahead to what you need out of your life. Just think of little things at first...like what you want to do with little things, like your room. You need to find a way to remove the desperation from the equation....it's affecting your ability to effectively DB.
One other thing: This is a lifestyle change we are talking about, not a game. DB isn't about pretending to do this or that to get a favorable reaction. It's about actually doing these things. So think of things that you truly want to make better about yourself or your world, and do it. I made a list of the things and how I intended to accomplish them. You might try a few also.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
