I think it is impossible to rebuild the relationship until the WAS comes clean about everything
I agree, but how do I KNOW that? I guess I will never really know. I have to "trust" him..problem is that I don't. He never would have come clean about the physical relationship. He would have carried that to his grave. He had already lied to much about it.
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You can't make him do it though. I think it is also a control issue - that you feel a need to verify things so you KNOW the truth.
Bingo. I can admit my flaws. But everytime I try to verify what he is saying...I find out he lied. Just once I want to verify and find out he is telling the truth. But you are right, it is controling.
Yes it is a breach of trust...but isn't it strange that I am the one being called out for not being trustworthy here (not by you, but just in general when referring to snooping) when he is the one who had the affair? Why isn't he chastised for hiding things rather than me for finding them?
Anyway, I have just been thinking about this a lot...and I don't know that I can get past it. I feel like I will always be checking up on him. I will always feel that insecurity. I will never believe him. Even if he is being sincere, I think I will still question it. Maybe it is because before I had complete trust in him and he betrayed it. I mean the thought that he would have an affair never crossed my mind. Never. I would have bet my life that he wouldn't have done that.
You are right Michelle, I agree with everything you said. They are very valid points. I am just having this inner struggle about it and trust in general right now.
