Hope4us' Struggle, part 2

[Hope4us]

Ok, Puppy, help me then. It may be too late for me. At this point I'm really thinking I don't even want to take the chance and make the effort that it will take. Like I said before, I've looked at the other side, and to be honest, it looks pretty darn good.

If I do decide I want to give her a sliver of hope that I may reconsider and give her a chance, how and what should I say?

In my note to her earlier this week I told her I still loved her and hoped she would come to her senses soon although I thought it was too late for that already. In this note I tell her that she must know this isn't what I want but her continued lies and deceit make me unable to care anymore. Thing is, maybe she needs to feel that I have lost my love for her to get her to wake up. And I'm not using that as a ploy, I really don't feel a whole lot for her. Last night she hardly said a word to me. I said hi to her when I got home and she just looked at me. She talked to DS16 in language that I think was meant to be her way of talking to me also, but nothing was directed at me.

So I just say WTF? Did she really end contact with the a-hole on Monday and she's feeling the affects of NC? Do I give her some more time? I feel like more of my life is slipping away and I'm doing more harm to the kids by giving them hope that there's a chance and right now the ONLY chance she has is to agree to my boundaries and show some real remorse, but she's still in the blame it on Hope4us mode as I'm the one that has caused all this and I'm just not willing to take it anymore. I mean, she said to me Monday night when I suggested a Retro weekend to work on our communications skills that she'd look at the website but it would be a long time before she went anywhere alone with me. Does that sound like someone that accepts responsibility for her actions and actually wants to work on the marriage? I told her in my note Monday that if she would write the NC letter that we could take the gloves off, have no R talks for a while and just spend time getting more comfortable around each other, and when I asked her Tues if she read my note she said "I read it and that's all I'm going to say tonight". Does that sound like someone who get's it and is really interested in trying to make our marriage work?