Going on Four Weeks MLCer Home

[MidwesternGirl]

where do i begin?????



lastnight, we were very intimate, told me more than once that he loved me that he was glad i was here, etc.



after that, he said his head spins 24/7, that he entertains all sorts of thoughts and said that he looked up DIVORCE lawyers. i asked why and he said because if he took some action, maybe God would steer him in the right direction.



i began to get very upset and he said he does not love anyone, does not like his job, does not like being home, that we take advantage of him, that i should be working full time as i do not help him out in any way whatsoever financially.



then this morning, intimate again followed by something is going to happen that is very bad and i asked to whom and he said everyone and it will hurt people. said that he thought he was doing the right thing by coming home but no, it is too hard, we take advantage of him, the kids are doing their own thing, that i am a manipulator and when i asked him to give examples of my being manipulative, he cited examples of two years ago!



i had to explain that i had to go thru changes since then and asked if he could give me a more recent example and he said that whenever he would pay for a car repair, i would leave him a voicemail saying thank you and how could i repay him for all he has done. he took that as a sexual gesture which was the furthest thing from my mind and i told him but he does not believe me and accused me of being manipulative.



he still talks to OW from what phone, who knows and she wants him back very badly and he still has feelings for her and said it was NOT an affair but a relationship that was built on talking, having things in common and that they fell in love.



he will not seek help because he knows what the professionals will say, he cannot talk to me really because he will hurt me. he, the one who claims to be a Christian, referred to God as a sadist because God is not helping him and instead he feels much worse since moving home. I asked him how we make him feel worse and he said everyone does their own thing, that he cannot stand to see us take advantage of him financially.



I was so torn apart that I was a mess when I took D16 to school. She said he has made things much worse because all he does is drink and accuse everyone of being lazy, and she says he is confused because what he thinks is real with her really is not.



I am more of a mess today then I have been in a long, long time.



Imagine, he is telling me he may divorce me. I asked him where he would go and he said he has no place to go and I am sure he would go right back to OW.



When I begin to show emotion, he gets very angry with me and says this is my way of manipulating him. Nothing could be further than the truth!



I am so hurt and torn. I asked him what he would like for me to do and he said basically to get a full time job. I am so mentally exhausted right now.