H is Having Affair after all - Part 2

[seekpeaceofmind]

So - 2 days ago he was willing to give you some more time and then yesterday he couldn't wait another day. Now, he has made a number of financial adjustments unilaterally and says its all your fault because you wouldn't meet with him to discuss. It seems that you are going to have to take a stand on the logistical matters sooner rather than later, so it is good that you made the appt with a solicitor. Hopefully, you can make these financial decisions and still navigate the trickier emotional terrain without tripping too many land mines. When he started with the pressure on the decisions about the property and businesses, my first reaction was that this did not seem to be an issue that he was pursuing with you at all before the A b/c known. I think he is simply afraid that you will be vindictive and try to hurt him financially.

As far as trusting you - I'm really sorry but I'm not sure I do.

This is what it boils down to and he is trying to position himself to avoid losing more than he is willing to give. That's understandable, but it is also understandable that you will protect your own interests by making thoughtful and careful decisions.

Not sure about the business issues. If I were in your shoes, I'm not sure that I would want to remain in business with H - I might rather have him buy me out. But if you go forward with his plan for now, how reversible is it?

I am not a ba***rd and it's not in my nature to be hard. . . .
I have not got a bad bone in my body, . . . .
It breaks my heart to have done this . . .

If you can look at his posture from a DB perspective, or just plain old conflict resolution, it is natural that he wants to be thought well of and what is happening is putting his self-image at odds with reality. All the anger, resentment and other negative feelings that you undoubtedly have right now are completely normal, but I would offer only the caution to try to pause as often as possible to consider what his perspective might be - not so that you can agree with it, but so that you can frame your decisions and responses within the context of that understanding. Hope that makes sense. . .

Really need to try to get some work done, but wanted to check in with you. I will be thinking of you and sending you positive energy for strength and well-being.