Hope4us' Struggle, part 2

[Hope4us]

Thanks Kat. I appreciate the support. Haven't looked at your sitch but I will.

Ok, here's my note to her if she doesn't respond to my boundaries for going forward. It's kind of long, sorry.

WW,

I can only assume by your continued silence to my letter on Tuesday that either the three things I’ve asked for to make me feel safe in committing to working on our marriage are not acceptable to you or you have had no intention all along of giving our marriage an honest try and you saying you would was just another manipulation tactic in trying to stay in the house, save YOUR money, and make your planned exit when DS16 graduates. Your balking at three simple things that would show me just how sincere you are in giving us a try is very telling.

Your statement that you want to go out alone with “your” friends and have a life of your own without me involved and your locking of your cell phone reeks of secrecy, which NO marriage should have. If you are being truly open and honest with me then where is the need for this secrecy? I will not live in a marriage where secrecy is expected. That is not my idea of a true marriage where two people share their lives with each other, and if that is what you want in a marriage, then we are not on the same page as to what a marriage means and we should just end it now. I have no problem with you having your own friends and us having separate interests, but that exact separate secret life you’ve come to desire is why we are in the situation we are in right now. I have repeatedly taken my share of responsibility for the conditions of our marriage that made your affair possible and continue to make the commitment to you to work with you to understand those things and make the necessary changes so you will feel comfortable working on our marriage, but I get the impression that you still feel justified in what you and OM did. And as long as that justification is there we have no chance.

I’ve had a year of my life stolen already and I refuse to have another two years of my life taken from me. I’ve had you completely rub in my face your affair even after I discovered it. You have destroyed my confidence and made me question everything in my life that I knew and trusted and I WILL NOT stand for that any longer. You have lied to the kids and seem to be lying to them still by telling them you will try to make our marriage work when you can’t even agree to three simple things that would give us the best chance to save our marriage for US and for our family.

My only question is are you going to make me spend DS19's college money retaining a lawyer or are you going to do the right thing and find somewhere else to live without making me resort to that step? DS16 will be staying with me based on his wishes. Of course you can see him anytime you wish.

You have enough money now with “your” bonus to find somewhere to live and get set up. We can divide the things in the house so you will have furniture, a bed, dishes, silverware etc. I will find a way to take care of DS19's school/rent etc so you can have “your” money and live your life the way you choose without regard for the people in your life who truly love you for who you are. We can worry about making the divorce official after DS19 and DS15 graduate from their respective schools.

You must know this is not what I want, but your continued lies and deceit and unwillingness to be open and honest with me make this my only option and I refuse to waste another two years of my life putting myself emotionally into trying to save our marriage when you have no intention of even trying. I will not put up with this “game”, give our kids hope that we may make our marriage work only to have their lives ripped apart again in two years the way they have been the last year. I don’t deserve it and neither do they. You said in your email on Monday that you want to try to repair the damage that has been done to them. Do you really think faking it for the next two years just to split at that time without even trying will repair anything? It will only hurt them and me more.

I’ve told you many times I know how difficult it will be for you to end contact with OM. I’ve told you I will be there for you to help you through that difficult time, but it seems you are refusing my help or you have no intention of ending that contact. And it’s a shame that you are either unwilling or unable to make that break when you know there is no future with him.

Hope4Us.


Ok, what does everyone think?