I feel better this morning, not the best, but better. He did call this morning. He said he was confused about our conversation last night. All I said was that he needed to get his head on straight before we could work on anything. He texted me later and said that He wanted to work on things but was afraid he wouldnt be given a fair chance and also wouldnt be able to give one....but that he didnt want me to read anything else into that....(hows that for stringing me along) didnt work! I am much better at reading him now. He also texted me to say that he was afraid of his past coming back to bite him, said he was afraid of things happening that happened before in our marriage....
He has to figure this out, I dont see it happening anytime soon....
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
So true, life can be hard enough as it is. Protect yourself and do what is right for YOU.
NC
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
True, and I dont think My H has ever thought about him being unstable....And I dont need unstable people in my life!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I told him that actions speak louder than words and that I wanted to give him a chance, but couldnt as long as the OW was in the pic. I told him that he hadnt changed and i was hearing the same stuff I have heard before. He still stands by the fact that he still loves and wants to be with the OW, but really doesnt know if it will work with them....
He called me tonight and I told him that it would probably be best if he didnt contact me for a while until he got his head on straight (or out of his a**).
Kissak! You did great!!! You have come so far over the last few months. It sounds like you finally know what you need and deserve and you communicated it to h. I say keep doing what you've been doing over the last few weeks.
I have to say I felt a bit down earlier because my H texted me and asked me to explain "time to himself".
I talked to him around lunch and the more I talked, the more I just confirmed in my head what needed to happen. I told him more than once, and I know I should only have to tell him once, but I said "until you cut all contact with the OW, we will not have a fair chance"...told him we hadnt had a fair chance all along because of her. He actually agreed. He also agree for it to work that he needed to cut all contact with her, but then said he didnt think he could physically do that. He is obsessed with her (my words). So, I said to him "well, then I guess there is NO chance for us" ITs sad to me that he wont do what he know he NEEDS to do. He wont take the chance or risk. He is scared, I know it would be hard for him, I know this. It was hard for me to do it with him, but if he wants this to work, he has to make the decision to cut everything with her...he then told me that it sounded like I didnt trust him.....YOU THINK!!!!
He said he didnt want time to himself because he was afraid he might do something stupid...ok, well he is a grown man. I plainly told him 3 times that there was NO chance until the OW was gone. He also still has lots of work to do on himself. He kept stressing that he was only telling his feelings. I told him that I understood that and I was listening to his feelings, just as I hope he was listening and understanding mine.
I practically told him to go to her. He still would say that he wants a chance with me and he is just scared to take it....
I guess to him Im asking too much. Why should he give up his friend? If that is all they are? Duh...Maybe friendship could be there years down the road when she is in a stable R with someone else and we are in one.
Also, he is still confused with "love" verses "in love" feelings. Hes afraid the "inlove" feeling will never come back. He thinks it should be there now.
I really wish he would listen to himself sometimes...He knows what he needs to do, just wont do it.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
He texted me later and said that He wanted to work on things but was afraid he wouldnt be given a fair chance and also wouldnt be able to give one....but that he didnt want me to read anything else into that....(hows that for stringing me along)
Have you ever noticed how he always hedges every single thing he says to you?
It's as though he wants to come home...unless you don't want him to, and then he didn't really want to either.
And he wants the other woman...but he wants you too.
I'm proud that you've managed to not yield to this overpowering desire you have inside to let him back in.
You MUST stay the course here.
As long as he is willing and able to talk like this, he is FAR from EVER commiting to a relationship with you.
Quote:
he then told me that it sounded like I didnt trust him.....
This is absolute insanity and a wonderful piece of evidence that he is nowhere close to being a man that you would want living with you, let alone in a relationship with again.
Stay the course. You deserve full honesty, full commitment, full devotion, not a man who can't decide which woman he really wants.
Second place sucks.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Stay the course. You deserve full honesty, full commitment, full devotion, not a man who can't decide which woman he really wants.
Second place sucks.
Blessings,
Bill
yes I deserve more and second place does suck, but the competition I have found out is rigged and I am acutally in first place here!! She is the loser! and then again, so is he!!
Also Bill, what exactly do you mean by he "hedges" every thing he says to me...Im not sure I understand that word?
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
So Bill, what do you think will happen if I take this option "me" out of the choices???
I agree, he is looking to win and really to him its a guessing game and he cant figure it out.
I did tell him last night that I wanted to be a priority and not just an option.
Last edited by kissak; 04/10/0807:33 PM.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Kissak- hey there darlin!! QUick chime in---what I was really talking about with your daughter wasn't hte "Boyfriend" scenario but more the self respect. I TOTALLY get hte marriage/life etc. What I am talking about is WHAT YOU ARE DOING GIRL!! RESPECT for YOU. That was it..and watching/reading you are doing jus thtat.
you are awesome. I am so proud of you because i KNOW how hard it is. You are hte bomb girlfriend. Listen to IMP he knows his Shi'ite =)
Imp sure been missing your thoughts... stop by some time. XXOO
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
