Please help me! Wife wants out! (5)

[steve477]

Thanks Rob, Ill get it.

Thank you again Sandi, you have been wonderful to me recently. I have been starting to feel a bit anxious recently. Not sure why (stopped taking my herbal relaxants last week, might start again).
I think now that things are going well I might be having time to look at my own issues with what she is doing, as opposed to just being in `panic mode`. I think most people go through this. I need to keep reminding myself of what things we like last month or the month before, that I AM making progress. I need to remember that OM WILL fade away. I guess I just wonder at this stage, why she chose him, someone who arguably has much less to offer her than I do. I understand the whole reason for the attraction, but to continue.... Hey I could understand if it was Matt Damon (her favourite), I would ket her go then to a better life, I would even ask her to send me an autograph!! But.... you know. She wont have a better life with this guy. Anyway I am not obessing, this is the only place I can come to say this stuff.
I am be happy with the progress we are making.

I do get the emails Sandi, they are good, and his book is also very good! Buy it for your H!

By saying that she was letting go of OM for her and not you.....it is hard to explain, but I know what she means (I think). It is like when I go on a diet, if I don't do it for me and I try to do it for my H, it usually doesn't work out too well. I have to see that it is what is best for me in the long run of things. My H will benefit also, but it has to be for me. Just as the changes you have made in yourself has been for YOU....not to just draw your W back.

Little bit ashamed that I didnt see it this way myself to begin with. I am doing one thing, I cannot expect any more or less from my W than to work on herself first too! Thank you for putting it this way.

You may have really wanted her to say that she was giving up the OM b/c she loved you more than him....yes?

Yes, but with what you wrote before, I can see that letting him go for herself would be much better and have more chance of lasting.

But I see a lot of promise here, sweetie. You are trying harder than anyone I know to do what people advise you. You are reading everything you can get your hands on to help you. I don't know much more that anyone could ask from a poster seeking help.

Thank you Sandi, do I get a gold star for being a good student? I am really eating up all the information I am getting from everywhere, I can really assimilate what is good for me, and make it work towards making me a better man!

As far as her doing all the pursuing.......you have to look for "signals"......like the light flirting. That is saying that she is getting more relaxed about the thought of you sleeping with her. In time, the signals will get stronger as she gets more ready for intimacy.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I can see now that W doesnt like to initiate physical intimacy because she is afraid of rejection. She tried to initiate once, I remember it was about 3am one morning and I was woken up by her hands rubbing my chest. She was kissing me too. She had woken up horny. Unfortunatly I never woke up properly, it never happened. She saw that as a rejection and has not tried to initiate since. I little unfair I think, but anyway. I have since guaranteed her that I would never turn her down again (not that I think I did, I didnt know what was happening I was too sleepy!), and she should feel safe to initiate. Oh Well. Along with her saying she wanted to be with a strong man who could take care of her, she also used to say things like that for our sex life, she wanted to be `taken` `ravished` by a strong man who knew what he was doing and what she liked. My W was my first lover, and I didn fumble around a bit to begin with. I have since realised I approached sex with the wrong mindset. Orgasms were rarely a problem for my W I could give her them quite often, so I thought sex was good for her. I have sice realised that it could have been so much better for both of us and I think I know how to do it now. I have a better mindset. I am in my masculine and she is in her feminine (thank you David Deida), and a few books on technique opened my eyes too!!! I guess thats another reason for wanting the intimacy, I want to see if I have improved!lol.

I think she is right in turning loose of the OM before being intimate with you. She is still working all of that out in her mind and heart. You have done so well that it has caused her to think that leaving you for the OM is not such a good idea any longer. Yea Steve!!

Probably right there too. I think she need to work it all out first. Glad I could start to bring her back.

It is a natural instinct for a female to flirt with her H when she desires sex, and that is pursuing for some women.

Good, she was patting my newly tight bottom a bit this morning lol! There is hope yet!

Sandi you really made me feel better!

Cheers

Steve