I dropped off our basic tax stuff to the tax attorney and had to fill him in on the D. That brought me down several notches. I hate even discussing it b/c I'm struggling w/ how to present the situation. I really do still love her and I want my family to stay together. However, if I'm going to GAL, do I need to act "as if" I'm 100% fine w/ everyone I meet?
I also know I'm not doing as well as I can when I talk to W about being upbeat and acting "as if." Honestly, I am terrified to talk much at all, so I don't know how I can attempt to act "as if" W is glad to talk to me and do as the DR book says and "take advantage of every opportunity to show your partner that you are doing just fine w/out them." How do I do that if I'm not allowed to speak w/out fear?
Do I need to shut it down for now and wait on the DBing? If I do that, is there a hope I can stave off the D? I'm confused and it brings me down to think about it. I'm scheduling my 3rd call w/ the DB coach tomorrow, so that is my main focus -- "How to act as if..."
I came home after dropping off the taxes and fell asleep watching my beloved Mariners beat the Rays in Tampa. I was contemplating begging off going to the gym, but I was able to pull myself together and go.
Before I hit the gym, I pulled all the artwork W had asked for and the various little decorative items she requested and put them into the garage for her to pick up tomorrow after her therapy appointment.
W talked w/ me for a bit tonight when I called for D and she was nice b/c she needed things from me. Anyway, I did catch myself not being too upbeat and silent and switched gears when W asked if it was "ok for her to come and get things out of the garage tomorrow" and then following that up w/ "would you mind?" I replied in a positive tone "you can get the things whenever you want. They are your things and you should have them if you want them. Tomorrow is fine so just feel free to come by and pick them up." I hope I pulled it off, but I'll bring that up w/ the DB coach.
Oh, well. Now I'm trying to amp down from exercising and get to bed. I get to see D tomorrow, but I also have to go to the dentist and have him look at my crown that is giving me fits still (aka possible root canal --YIKES!). However, it will be fun for D b/c it will be her 1st "official" visit to go see Dr. Doug the Dentist. She's pretty pumped.
D is into "Kim Possible" on Disney right now, so I was able to find her a Kim Possible doll and it arrived today. If she gets scared at all, I'll let her know that if she's good, I've got a big surprise for her in the car. That should help w/ her fear and it is a nice card to have if I need to use it. She'll get the doll tomorrow anyway, but as a parent, it never hurts to have a safety net.
I still haven't heard on my appointment for the parenting evaluator, so I'm still anxious about that as W and D had their turn on Monday. It makes me over-analyze things, which isn't good even when you aren't going through a D. Oh, well. I'll keep waiting to hear and let you know what I find out.
