We have been getting along well and actually enjoying each other quite a bit recently (IMO at least). H got in very late last night after another business trip and stopped by the house this morning per our agreement. As he was leaving, D6 asked what he was making for dinner tonight and he replied, "You know D6, I haven't even had time to think about it. CW68, you're welcome to stay for dinner tonight if you'd like."
Since I didn't have plans I accepted the invitation and knowing how much he's been working yesterday AND since I appreciated the text last night, I told him I'd even make dinner if he'd make it worth my while. Honestly don't know what making my while would be. Anyway, when he came in, he didn't kiss me or hug me, which is the norm. OK, I'll let it slide. He was fine, but just not "there." I decided that I needed to leave just after dinner. Part of it is that I know he finds the house empty and quiet when he's with the kids and I'm not there, another part is I wanted him to do all the clean up, bedtime, etc. but most of it was that I was just getting sad and wanted to leave before I was really sad.
My D6 followed me upstairs as I went to grab my stuff and she said that they were going on a bike ride and wouldn't I like to come and ride my new bike? I told her that I had to go. She was sad and asked why, I just told her that sometimes I have to go before I get too sad, but that I'd be back bright and early in the morning. This girl is 6 going on 16 and she totally understood. Then when I came downstairs to say goodbye, by S5 didn't want me to go. In a playful way, he kept saying, "No, don't go, come with us to the sand park!" And I just couldn't find it in myself to stay. My goal way to play it cool with H and give back as much as he was giving me, which wasn't a lot, but wasn't completely cold either. A quick peck, said I had to go.
My cool bravado was blown, however, when I put my shoes on and started to head to the garage. S5 says, "I just saw a very sad face, Mommy. Is it because you have to go and can't stay all of us together?" and I did a little backsliding by replying, "Yes, I don't get to stay all together as much anymore." H was standing there, I gave him another quick peck and took off, using all my might to not break down in tears in front of everyone.
I spend the next 30 minutes quite bummed out. Stopped and picked up some ladybugs for the garden as the kids and I have been looking for some to buy for days. We have massive aphid colonies everywhere! Pick up beer and potato chips, a sure sign that I'm upset. Get to the apartment and his flippin' motorcycle is in the parking space and I have to scrounge for an open one. All of this is old hat, a tune on loop to be repeated ad nasuem.
Yet about ten minutes after I settle in, a text arrives on my cell. From my H. "Sorry I was out to lunch tonight. Work is killing me right now, daily headaches and stomach aches from being stressed. not much fun... Hope you are doing ok."
Two days in a row where he reaches out to me unnecessarily? He admits some kind of culpability?
I responded along the lines of "Thanks for the note, I'm ok, meds for your tummy are XXX if you want them. Hope you find a way to release your stress." Letting go of stress has been a problem since we were dating.
When I called to say goodnight to the kids, I could hear him in the background, "I want to talk to Mom before you hang up." I asked if he got my text, he did. Told him that I really hope he finds a way to release his stress and that I'd see him tomorrow morning. Got off the phone on my time.
This is getting interesting.
Of course I don't want to read too much into this, but
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
