Please help me! Wife wants out! (5)

[sandi2]

Hi Steve,

I think I misquoted part of that site that I was referring to, it is [censored] (I was close) and the author is David Cunningham. I have not gotten his book simply b/c it is teaching men how to make women happy. Since I am a woman and already know what most women want.....I just get his free newsletter through email (lol). But, he is great and seems to have it right. I just wished my H would read the emails! I think, if you went to the correct site, that this book will be a great help to you.

Steve, you have taken all of our advice in such a positive way. Most people would have gotten mad or fussed back at us, but you have really tried to learn....and you have. You are doing so much better.....SO MUCH BETTER.

You said you did not know why you got so clingy and needy. I think it is b/c you were so afraid of loosing your W that it made you feel insecure in your manliness (if that is a good word).

Relaxing is the key for me now.

I think it is to that point that you really need to relax....both of you. Your nerves have been on end for a long time.

It does seem to be a bit counter productive to let her pursue me, when it seems she doesn't want me, but I will try it for a while. Wont hurt!

I know it seems that way to you, but when I read all the sign in the post you write about her, it does seem to me that she is coming around. It is not as fast as you want it to be, but it is coming, Steve. Just think about what she told the doctor! That is good news. By saying that she was letting go of OM for her and not you.....it is hard to explain, but I know what she means (I think). It is like when I go on a diet, if I don't do it for me and I try to do it for my H, it usually doesn't work out too well. I have to see that it is what is best for me in the long run of things. My H will benefit also, but it has to be for me. Just as the changes you have made in yourself has been for YOU....not to just draw your W back. It may not have been the answer you had hoped she would give the doctor, but I think it was a positive answer. You may have really wanted her to say that she was giving up the OM b/c she loved you more than him....yes?

For her to continue to include you in the part of the baby is also good. I think her kind of flirting with you when you last questioned her about the sleeping arrangements was good, too.

If I did not have so much hope and I did not care about you, rest assured I would not put my time and effort into writing these long posts....lol. But I see a lot of promise here, sweetie. You are trying harder than anyone I know to do what people advise you. You are reading everything you can get your hands on to help you. I don't know much more that anyone could ask from a poster seeking help.

As far as her doing all the pursuing.......you have to look for "signals"......like the light flirting. That is saying that she is getting more relaxed about the thought of you sleeping with her. In time, the signals will get stronger as she gets more ready for intimacy. Some women (like myself) would not go jump her H's bones and tell him she is ready to have sex....but instead she would give him the "right" signals for him to know she desired him. That is what has to have time in your M to build in her is desire to have sex with you. It is healthy to have light/fun teasing or flirting to begin with. If that goes well, then as time goes by....it will increase until you have finally succeeded and reached your "goal" back to being intimate with each other. I think she is right in turning loose of the OM before being intimate with you. She is still working all of that out in her mind and heart. You have done so well that it has caused her to think that leaving you for the OM is not such a good idea any longer. Yea Steve!!

I have never been the type to pursue my H to have sex.....but he would get the idea when to take over as the alpha male....and you will too. By pursuing, we don't mean for you to be completely passive and wait for her to ravish you (lol), but I hope that I have explained it a little better. It is a natural instinct for a female to flirt with her H when she desires sex, and that is pursuing for some women.

It's late and I have to go to bed. Take care, relax and try to just enjoy the trip.


Well the moderator won't let me put the words in but just add "ing" to what you said about make her happy and you've got it. (lol) I'm sure you figured it out anyway.

Sandi