Enjoying my life!!!

[fooled again]

kissak,

I was asking the same thing earlier this week. Don't say anything to him, don't make a big scene or give some big speech. All you have to do is pull back and live your life and SHOW him that you are not interested in his drama, his games anymore.

When my H called to apologize for disappearing on D and me in one breath, and in the next tell me I deserved better but he just couldn't give me what I need, I told him that I don't think he knows what he wants, and I really hope some day he figures out what he wants. That is all I said. No big speech about what was going to happen or what I could or couldn't do or live with or whatever. They say actions speak louder than words, and I am letting my actions cry out to him that I am not playing the game anymore.

Yes, I am afraid that I will lose him forever, but that's the chance I have to take b/c I won't live this halfway life any longer. I'm not setting up conditions that he meet for us to try again. I'm not telling him to end it w/ OW. I'm not asking him for anything. I am simply letting go. We must communicate about D, as you must about your children, but that communication has to be independent of anything to do w/ our M.

As for a timeline, there is none for me. MLC can take years, and I know I will always love my H. When and if he figures it all out, I will know for sure, there will be no doubt in my mind, no fear of getting hurt again. That is what I'm saving his "one last chance for" b/c I don't want him to waste his either. But like a child who is too little to handle a china figurine, I won't give him that "one last chance" until I know he will respect it and value it.

In the meantime, I'm going to have a great summer this year. I'm going to do all those things I should have done last summer when instead I was obsessing over my H & OW. It's my turn to live a little. I told myself that I wouldn't make any big decisions until Sept. That way I'm giving myself and H some space for breathing, living, exploring ourselves and figuring out what we want. I haven't truly done that for myself, and I think it's a necessary part of healing and recovering from the damage of MLC.

FA