Better late than never?

[jon2911]

Wow, now that I think about it, she wanted to change her number so OM would quit contacting her. So this could actually be a really good thing!

[jon2911]

W called me, making sure I got her new number. She also said "you haven't gotten any calls from anyone, have you? Anything strange?" I told her no. She got off quickly, but sounded concerned. Very strange, maybe OM is bothering her? Oh well, time to continue my GAL.

[MichelleLT]

Hmmm, that is an interesting development. Not worth speculating over, but it certainly can be seen as a positive. Especially since she wants you to have her new number and all.

Keep up the great work!

[jon2911]

Well, turns out that's exactly what happened. W called me today and we talked for an hour. Longest in quite some time. She'd been crying, because she changed her number to get away from OM, but then he sent her some nasty e-mails, she replied "hmmm, nice", but forgot that her new phone number is in her sig. So of course he's bombarding her at her new number. Hopefully she can change it again without being charged. I listened an told her I'm really sorry she's going through this.

Another strange development, but SIL called OM and told him that W is having a lot of emotional problems, and to back off. W had asked SIL not to call him, but she did anyway. I wasn't aware that SIL knew about OM. And it sounds like W's family is very worried about her, just like I am.

Very surprised that she told me all this, but I just listened and affirmed. She also gave me a lot of advice about my promotion, and how to get a higher salary with it. She said "if you're not going to listen to me, I'm just wasting my time. My dad gave you a lot of great business advice and you never listened to him." Really had to bite my tongue on that one, but fortunately I did. I'm glad she's still interested in my life. Her tone is extremely condescending when we talk about job stuff, but honestly it's somewhat deserved.

In other news, I passed my audition, and I start with the band on Sunday! I'll be on a couple nice keyboards and a real B3, for any musicians out there

They even want me to start leading some songs and really be involved in the worship ministry, not just playing. The church is over 4,000 people, so this is very surprising. It's not paid for now, but I actually like that better. Just work my other job and do this on the weekends.

I also found an older couple to start meeting with and learning from. These are things W really wanted me to do during our marriage, but I always had some excuse. I'm not telling her any of this for a while though, because she thinks I'm all talk, no action as it is.

[MichelleLT]

W called me today and we talked for an hour. Longest in quite some time.

Yay!!! Sounds like you guys are really working on the friendship phase.

So of course he's bombarding her at her new number. Hopefully she can change it again without being charged. I listened an told her I'm really sorry she's going through this.

Great affirmation on your part. And hopefully she also is more determined to get him completely out of her life!

I wasn't aware that SIL knew about OM. And it sounds like W's family is very worried about her, just like I am.

Interesting and good. Hopefully your W realizes that all of you have good intentions and are trying to support her. Probably a lot better that SIL did it rather than you though lol.

Very surprised that she told me all this, but I just listened and affirmed.

Yay!

Really had to bite my tongue on that one, but fortunately I did. I'm glad she's still interested in my life. Her tone is extremely condescending when we talk about job stuff, but honestly it's somewhat deserved.

It's tough to have your nose rubbed in stuff like that, but I'm glad you were able to control your reaction.

In other news, I passed my audition, and I start with the band on Sunday! I'll be on a couple nice keyboards and a real B3, for any musicians out there

I'm a violinist, so keyboards mean very little to me. But congrats!

I'm not telling her any of this for a while though, because she thinks I'm all talk, no action as it is.

Exactly right - actions ALWAYS speak louder than words.

It sounds like things are progressing slowly but surely. Keep up the great work and enjoy the person you are becoming.

[jon2911]

So of course he's bombarding her at her new number. Hopefully she can change it again without being charged. I listened an told her I'm really sorry she's going through this.

Great affirmation on your part. And hopefully she also is more determined to get him completely out of her life!

I wasn't aware that SIL knew about OM. And it sounds like W's family is very worried about her, just like I am.

Interesting and good. Hopefully your W realizes that all of you have good intentions and are trying to support her. Probably a lot better that SIL did it rather than you though lol.

I know, isn't this bizarre? She leaves me and starts a relationship with this guy (says they were just friends, but of course there's no "just" in these situations), and now he's stalking her? I wish I could help more, but it's not my place at the moment. I'd kick his a$$. Am I allowed to say that?

[MichelleLT]

Lol. I guess it depends - would it be a 180 for you to "stand up for her" or do you think she would see it as controlling?

Serious DBing aside, mostly I'm joking. If you guys are chatting and joking around, you can say anything you think won't freak her out short of starting a R convo.

It's all a matter of what you can take. My H has on a couple of occasions complained to me about OW, it's a VERY weird position to be in - but shows unconditional friendship and support which is a great positive.

[jon2911]

W called at 4:00 AM, apologized for calling, but she really needed to talk to me. Her hands have been shaking for several weeks and last night they were really bad. I have no idea what that comes from, but it happened throughout our marriage. Migraine-related, I guess. She sounded really freaked out, and kept apologizing for calling, but I told her it's just fine, please call any time. "I wish you were here to rub my head", she said. I tried to think of some way to calm her down over the phone, and she asked if I'd played guitar lately.

No, I haven't. W was always threatened by my music stuff. I was very passionate about my band and my music, and also a bit of a gear-head. So it's been hard to get into music lately, and her request surprised me.

W had a few song requests, and I put the phone on speaker and played them all. It was a beautiful moment. Even started crying a couple times but made it through. Prayed for her at the end, which I haven't had the guts to do in a while. She was much more calm at the end. I keep wondering when the alien will come back, because I know it will happen, but this is really nice for now.

[jon2911]

Also, one of the songs she requested is a song my brother and I wrote for her mom's funeral. Her mom died in the first six months of our marriage, and it really threw us off. After that, she never wanted to hear that song again, so another surprising development.

[MichelleLT]

I keep wondering when the alien will come back, because I know it will happen, but this is really nice for now.

Enjoy it. No expectations that it will continue, but definitely look for the positives and see if you can figure out ways to keep them going.

It is interesting about her song choices. Hopefully it means she is sorting through the emotional baggage she has. It will be a long process, but she'll be better for it. And it might help her migraines - while I'm sure there's medical reasons for them, the stress she has is probably a very big cause of them - spiritual/emotional issues that get buried don't actually go away, they manifest as other things like illnesses.