I'm Finally Ready to "Drop the Rope"

[fooled again]

BFM,

That's what I mean by living your life like he's not coming back. You are always going to love him. You are always going to be connected to him because of your daughter. You are always going to have to get along and be able to talk to him and make decisions with him concerning her welfare. True detachment will allow you to do this without the horrible emotional roller coater that is MLC.

I think this is the secret to being able to do what you were able to do. And this is what I want to be able to do, it's just that notion of not getting my hopes up that messes me up. H wants me to believe in him so badly, and whenever I do, I get hurt. I've been down this path so many times, I could walk it blindfolded. Remaining detached while still ML? I thought I was doing that, but slowly I let expectations creep into my heart and was interpreting his actions as showing he was close to coming home. His dropping off the radar for the w/end and not even contacting D was just too much this time. It was too reminiscent of what he did whenever he took off w/ OW. And you know, it's not even about me, it's about how hurt, how abandoned and rejected my D felt.

I know I have to figure out my own way to detach lovingly. This morning we had a fight about money, the details are not important. I know I screwed up - he came to me for a favor & though I said yes, I put some pressure on him for the first time in months. He reacted very negatively and it all started to go badly. Thankfully he ended the call before either of did too much damage. Later he sent me a text apologizing and I have yet to reply, only b/c I'm not sure what to say, what message I want to give.

You drop all notions of how someone is supposed to act. You stop trying to control their actions through your own because you can't control them anyway and you just live your life and let them live theirs while still loving and respecting them.

I think this is what I have to keep in my head, in my heart, remind myself of every single minute of every single day.

Thank you BFM,
FA