Will he read self-help books or talk to someone? NO! He had training with mental issues while in college so there is nothing he does not already know. Would he take meds to make him feel better? Nope.
Too bad that he thinks having had the training before means he doesn't need to read or find out more. The good thing about reading, especially if he doesn't want to go talk to anyone, is that it can challenge him to practice what he already knows.
I also agree that you should focus on you and relieve your own stress by taking time out - doing whatever it is that you find relaxing and enjoyable - cooking, walking, etc. Hopefully, you get to go swimming in the water park soon... I remember you enjoyed that alot last year.
i made him dinner and then he went to use the kids bathroom and slammed the door shut then came out and started yelling at me. he said he is really the only one who works and he does not appreciate coming home to a house nobody takes care of.
the kids bathroom is a mess, and of course we have a major weed problem.
he says my job does not pay enough money except for my bills and a few groceries and that he cannot afford to keep buying groceries every few days. then he said the only recreation he has is his beer and cigs.
i started to really cry and told him i am doing what i can, and the kids have been told what they should be doing but they do not.
why should they when all they see their dad do is drink every night?
then he told me for the last few days he has had this lump in his chest which has been hurting like crazy and sometimes it is hard to breathe. he said he might have to go to a doctor but will not go--yet.
however, he is still sitting back there drinking and smoking................
he said he hates being here, we take advantage of him even me which is not true, and that he has so much stress about so many things but does not elaborate.
thanks for letting me vent once again....................
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
As my son says, it is pride that is keeping his dad from getting the help he needs.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Been following your story for quite a while tho I don't post...but tonite I want to tell you I appreciate that you've told how difficult it is or can be when they come home.
My H has been home 11 months now. The first 6 were ridiculous. It is getting better now.........but to be perfectly honest? It was much better when he wasn't here.
But then again........there are many lessons to be learned here that are being taught to us at the same time. IT's a tough call and I don't envy your situation at all - especially with the drinking going on as much as it is.
the truth is very important. And tho I don't want to burst anyone's bubble............everyone needs to remember that the person who is coming back is very much still the same person as the one that left you.
My h would never even consider counseling or any kind of help. For what? He has always justified what he did.
so you have to go on from there and figure out how you're going to make it work this time.
you will be in my prayers. You've got your work cut out for you. but that doesn't mean it can't be done....it will take time tho, SF, a great deal of time.
Life for me is much better now that it was before. There are good things. Mostly I have to learn how to keep quiet in this world of his and watch God do His wonders with this situation. Amazing things can happen
God bless you,
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
Hi Steelers so sorry this is so hard even after all your talks. Sounds like your H has real financial concerns, if these could be eased would it help you(your relationship) do you think. I think men feel they should be respected for the fact that they are the ones who actually financially support the household and not what they do with their own leisure time. Do your children show him respect as a father.That is actually a biblilical thing. Also could your son not help out a lot more-I believe he doesn,t work or go to school he uses your car so maybe he could tackle the garden (weeds). I think your kids are old enough to clean their own bathroom who did the discipline issues before he left. Would it help to ask your kids for help in making the home as pleasant and peaceful environment as posible in view of "helping their Dad to get better" They do want him to stay home don't they and also they should realise families all pull together and chores get shared out. These are just some thoughts of mine I know my H had a problem with the children showing respect etc. I in retrospect wish I had sided more with him over this. I always felt it was earned,but men these days have a tough time working long hours to make the money and perhaps he feels he deserves more. Thanks for all your insights I am sure it is helping many others.
BTW vent away, can't think of anyone who deserves to more. You have been so patient loving and forgiving for so long now. I hope you see some baby steps son or at least a way to resolve issues. We are all willing you on.
the same door that was always open for him to come home is always open for him to leave....i would lovingly let him know. you need to ask him what HE wants to put into the M to make it work,,,how can HE help with the kids....in turn what can YOU do to ease the financial burden? And the son. the you BOTH must address the kids
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
the same door that was always open for him to come home is always open for him to leave....i would lovingly let him know. you need to ask him what HE wants to put into the M to make it work,,,how can HE help with the kids....in turn what can YOU do to ease the financial burden? And the son. the you BOTH must address the kids
This is not a good thing to do, Patti. He thought long and hard, prayed, read his Bible, talked to me a lot and this is where he said he wanted to be BUT nobody said it would be easy. I honestly have to say I would rather put up with this then have him seeing OW again.
I know what he wants me to do with regard to the financial burden and that is to get another job--full time. However with that said, he has not thought this all the way thru.
Who is going to take one-two kids to school each day at 7:30 and pick them up at 3:15? There is nobody who lives in our area that could pick them up and take them home either. If I were to get a full time job which I would have to travel a distance, I would have to leave my house before 7AM, and chances are I would not get home until at least 6PM.
Who is going to take the kids to their medical/dental appts. which has been a once a month thing which is no big deal but I certainly cannot do these things if/when I begin a new job.
Yes, he does pay the bulk of the bills: mortgage, elec., water, insurances and I pay for the other things and for some of the groceries.
He is the one who brought up walking on eggshells and us taking advantage of him. I told him that nobody is walking on eggshells and nobody is taking advantage of him.
As for the girls.....they were fit to be tied lastnight and what they almost said to him was all he does is come home, sit out back and drink but they stopped short of that.
He feels he is deserving of doing that since he pays for this house we live in.
Personally, I think everyone should help including him with weeds, etc. but he will not lift a finger.
I told him I would make another chore chart with regard to the kids and he is like what good will that do? So I am having to do it all and go to work.
I really do not want to quit my job because I like it and I love my hours. It might not be ideal with the pay but it is something.
I told him we should just get rid of the second car and he said no to that.
This is week five of being his being home. Nothing, absolutely nothing ever makes him happy.
What did I want to say to him lastnight but did not--that his kids view him as a drunk who does nothing but go to work, come home, complain, and drink. Now that is pretty sad.
I remember reading in one of Bob and Charlyne's books about these prodigals who come home and many times a serious illness strikes them--that is what is happening to my H--he has a lump in his chest area and it hurts worse when he lies down but it is painful during the day as well. He will not go to a doctor -- at least not right now.
Welcome to my world of MLCdom.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
