Kerry - I have been keeping up on your thread. You must be so confused, since everything your W is doing is so confusing.
But...I just wanted to say that the one thing she has been consistent about, is telling you in total honesty that she does not want to stop bar-hopping. This has been prioritized over you, your marriage, your children, and her own health and well-being. Its really sad, yes, but at least she is being totally honest.
I really think you should just truly *listen* to her at this point, and stop trying to change her mind. If she comes around on her own and changes her mind on her own before your deadline, then great. But otherwise...while you keep saying that you think you need to have more "talks" with her, this isn't really what is needed, IMO. Every time you talk to her about the R, she says the same things, but specifically she says she is not done with the bar scene and partying. This part has not changed at all.
For whatever reason, this is her life now and she has no intention of changing it.
I'm glad you are finally starting to see that she may not be worthy of you. I mean seriously, I do not judge her, but as far as having a quality relationship with someone, she really doesn't stack up to that. She is a really good bar-hopper and in that sense, you aren't good for her either. She needs a bar-fly man who will stand by her in her bad habits. She can easily find lots of those. What you need is a truly good woman who wants a truly good relationship....and no, she isn't in that category anymore.
What I've read and seen with MLC's is that you basically have to consider the "old" person as deceased. They ceased to exist as you once knew them. Now you are dealing with a new person, who has alien-like qualities that you don't recognize. This is not the same person.
That's why it will forever be OK for you to mourn your previous wife. She is gone now and you have to go through the griveing process. And we dont just forget and move on when someone has died, we really honor who they were and we remember them and still love them. So you will always be allowed to fondly remember your past with her, and also, know that it was "real"...regardless of who she is now.
And as for who she is now, you have no real obligation to this new alien, except in the form of co-parenting. You are not obligated to love her or be married to her anymore. You are legally obligated to her and that part sucks, but you are not emotionally obligated to her in any way. Try to remember the difference between your deceased previous wife, and the current alien wife. They are not the same people.
