I have been married less than one year, and already, I have experienced so much turmoil in my marriage it's amazing I'm not locked away in a nuthouse somewhere. This Jan, my husband dropped the bomb- basically the "I love you but am not in love with you, maybe I never have been" story. He was also dissatisfied with his life in general - his job, the fact he is so far from his family (he is from Mexico and we live in NYC) and he started working out like crazy, etc. I found this site, and read the book, and was actually able to get through that episode, following Michelle's advice, and not exacerbating the problem by my reactions. I chalked it up to early-onset MLC. (He is 32). Things slowly got better, we went to visit his family for a week and he was WONDERFUL during the trip and a few weeks after, then he started slipping into this depressive state again. Now he says he is so miserable with his life here (I think he feels better about our relationship- this is more about work and family) that he absolutely can't stand it anymore. He called his brother in Mexico yesterday and asked him if he knew of any jobs available for him. He told me he feels bad doing this to me (ie LEAVING)but he's just too miserable here. He doesn't say anything about being sad to lose me- it sounds more like he feels obligated to lie in the bed he made. He isn't interested in going back to school here, or looking for a better employment situation. He's frustrated because we are moving to Ohio in Sept so I can go to grad school (a decision HE stood behind and seemed happy about, but now just says he was trying to be supportive). He thinks he'll be making less money there (he ignores the fact that the cost of living is also less) and he just can't stand taking a step backwards. Describes it as "going to prison". He thinks if he goes to Mexico he can get a good job and be respected as a professional (conveniently ignoring that he'll REALLY be making less money there)he'll be happy. I established, basically from day one of our relationship, that I would not live in Mexico- there are a lot of reasons, but I was always clear about it, and I know that if I gave up everything and moved there I would be even more miserable than he is. We always had the understanding that we would make our life here. Then he had the idea that he would quit his job so he could become an exotic dancer, only work 3 times a week and make tons of money so that in a couple of years he can open a gym in Mexico and go back and forth between there and the states. How is that going to work? Especially when we plan to have a family? I was supportive of him for even coming up with a way that allows us to stay together in some fashion (trying to be MLC friendly), but it also sounded like a cop out from him(also I have objections to the whole stripper thing). A voice said to me today "your husband is quitting a respectful engineering job to become a stripper so that he can make enough money to leave you." I feel like such a fool, and at the same time, I desperately don't want to lose him. I'm sorry this is so long, but if anyone can give me their thoughts I would be so grateful. I feel absolutely alone.
