this is maryangela -- have to start new thread

[Just_Me]

I don't know. I just want to feel NORMAL in my house again and I'm db'ing and giving him space and all that and acting "as if" and bubbly, but I gotta say, it's exhausting and I am finding myself dreading 6 pm when he comes home!!!! I used to look so forward to it, because that was when I was kind of "off the clock" so to speak and he would read to our daughter and tuck her in (their special time together). And I could go have my coffee and relax.

Then try to feel normal. I think being around him at the moment is problematic for you. Plan something outside the house. Make sure he knows he needs to be home after work and just get out as soon as he gets home. Do anything. Go to the bookstore or library and read, if nothing else. Or go out with friends to a movie or something.

I sense that you need to change the dynamic somewhat. Does he know that you are aware of the affair? Then being Miss sweet, bubbly, and attentive is essentially saying, "your affair is fine by me...I'm desperate for you. I don't even care if you don't come home and make up lies about where you are at." I'm not saying turn into a major monster, but you can start drawing a line in the sand. This is one time I'd suggest having kind of a R talk...except it's you talk, he listens. In as calm and rationale manner as possible, I'd set down some boundaries.

My example:
"H, I have something I want to say, and I just want you to listen. No response is necessary.
I'm letting you go. You don't want to be with me, and want to be with someone else. That's your choice. While I accept that, I don't intend to play roommate. You will still be responsible for some nights watching our child while I take a break. You'll need to chip in on housework. And you'll need to sleep somewhere else until you find your own place (or is that already happening?)."

You can still be nice and be friendly, even lovingly detached, but I wouldn't fawn all over him like he's the best thing since sliced bread. He's not. Focus on yourself and being the best you can be, but that doesn't mean you have to put him on a pedestal...desperate, needy, and codependent isn't really something you should be shooting for. Get some space. If you want to have coffee after he gets home...then do it. Do things you enjoy..it's okay.