Letting go...

[cat03]

I agree with the above, it's like hitting your head against a brick wall, it isnt worth your time nor energy to prove him wrong even if you know with certainty (had a butt-head encounter with H, the more I tried to explain him the more agitated and loud he got, for the kids sake i just dropped it, not worth it and he was the one who looked like an arse)

Hope you figure a good visitation schedule)))))

[kikifree]

Hi all,

It has been quiet over here. H has been very distant. GOOD. It gives me peace.

H did text on Monday to talk to D7. She called him.

He did not pick up D7 yesterday. It's ok. We had a good time.

See I'm not trying to prove H wrong but I am trying to have boundaries. If H and I have to d othis for the next 10 years, i have to stick to the agreement we had. Otherwise, h will just control my life.

I bent over backwards for the past two tears to fit D7 in his schedule. Now it needs to stick. i give andd give and give...

My lawyer agrees. his lawyer says he cannot make him be a good dad.

So, otherwise Life is Good!

I read trytoo hard's post in piecing and I recommend EVERYONE to read it. It is to the tee.

[kikifree]

From trytoohard's thread....

The "secret" to all of this I have found is that you have to confront yourself before things change.

Until you do an honest self-confrontation, learn about your dark side and embrace those things that need to be worked on, nothing changes.

Once you know who you are and REALLY get it in your head that the only person you can control is you, nothing changes.

Once you realize that you don't have to hate your estranged spouse to let them go, nothing changes.

Until you believe that each and every one of us has a right to choose our path, our life and our partners in life, you may hang onto someone or something that has choosen someone or something else.

The past 2 1/2 years have sometimes felt like walking on hot coals or broken glass. Looking back at what it took to wake me up and force my hand and heart to change, I would trade a step on my journey.
_________________________

[Grace_O]

kiki,

I know it's hard to "visit" your kids. I also know that with the kids not in their daily lives they get distracted. It appears that it would be easier to have the kids schedule fit theirs. Truth is that kids have activities and friends they want in their lives. As they get older their lives just seem to get busier. He needs to recognize that he needs to have the "intent" and make the time to see D7 in a way that suits everybody, not just him. Sometimes I am just amazed that a WAS seems to think there are no negative consequences to their actions. That isn't a judgment on why they made the choice, but the fact is they did and it creates lots of stress and disappointment for everybody. That he's being pushy about what he wants and when, well, sometimes it just stinks to be you. I know you'll find a solution, but it can be difficult getting there.

Take care.

[kikifree]

Thank you Grace. It will all work out. If he CHOOSES not to see D7 , well, He loses.

I cannot do anything to make his choices. I can just do what is right for me.

Excellent post. My thoughts exactly. how is everything???

Hey, we can make lemonade or just have lemons, right?

[Lissie]

You sound wonderful mamma.

I used to be so stressed about Javier being a good dad. I did the same. bend over backwards, and try. He would just take and take.

Slowly, I am letting go, of that.

As long as I do my job as a great mom.

Just like you are doing.

ANd honey, the kids know.

The know the difference between Disney Dad,, and I need a real parent right now.

Does that totally sick? Absolutely.

Our babies, for some reason, have been dealt this crappy dad card.

And don't get me wrong, Javier is a good mediocre dad. But My babies, and your D Deserve a great dad.

So you keep doing what you are doing, If he did not pick her up. Hey it's his loss.

If you do not make it abig deal in front of your D, then she will follow your lead.

Let her talk about her feelings with you. Like you do.

It sucks that our kids have to get treated like 2nd best. But as long as WE treat them like the treasures that they are.

I know they will be ok.

Luv ya

thanks for passing by too.

Besos

[cat03]

thanks for posting TTH's post, needed to read that))))))))))

[quote[f H and I have to d othis for the next 10 years, i have to stick to the agreement we had[/quote]
yes, so true, how we handle things now will be how things will be in the future, I'm being careful in what I agree or what I dont' allow, because it is a two way street.

[kikifree]

Lissie,

THank you so much for coming by. Everything you said is sooo true. Only we can do what we can do for ourselves.

It sucks that our kids have to get treated like 2nd best. But as long as WE treat them like the treasures that they are.

Exactly. And thank you for my compliments. I feel better.

We create our own lives.

And Cat , thank you for coming by.

That is right ..it is a two way street. Even piecers are having to deal with that now.

[peacetoday]

KIki
I like what lissie said
I worry to about this disney dad that my H is
what a nightmare
but we have to have fith that kids will be ok
its not what any of us wanted
and for our kids, it is sad

you did everything you could kiki
and your D saw you
we are healthy and strong and good moms
what a blessing, that we came out of this in one piece
that is the example im grateful my kids could see
peace

[kikifree]

THanks Peace. We are doing the best for the kids and that is all that matters.

I am happy with my choices. I have made mistakes but have forgiven myself for them. It has been hard to look at myself and know I have to change a few things.But it can be done,

I love H and want the best for him. But I cannot help him see that.

So, I just have to be the best I can be(like the army song).

And H will have to catch up...

Today he showed up at school to pick up D7. She was already gone to her friends.

H asked me where she was. I told him she was at the friends. H said I knew he was coming.

I told H (nicely) i did not know he was coming. He did not pick her up yesterday and I texted him. H did not respond to my tesxts.
H said I knew he was goingto pick her up.

i just told H he does not communicate with me what he is going to do so I dont know.

H pulled away while my arms were in his car window.

H looked alot heavier and had fast food in the car. Veryy unlike him.

Whatever.

H was happy as ever.

H texted me later , basically blaming me.

It will ALL be okay!!!