God give me the patience and the strength...2

[theotherhalf]

I am working and trying sooo very hard to let him go SF. It is so very hard to do. So hard to let go of what I believe was meant to be, to let go of the man that I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But slowly I am. Just have to figure out how completly.

Everyone keeps saying it's early. I don't get that. In 10 days we will have been in this and seperated 1 year. A year is along time for 2 people that loved each other to be seperated. A year is a long time for 2 people (OW and him) to be seeing each other and not becoming close.

Dwelling on him is the hardest part. I question it all because it is all so very very unlike the man that I am in love with. I sit here this morning thinking...How in the world did this happen to us. To him? I knew we had our problems, but never in a million years would I have guessed that any of what has happend in this last year was ever possible. My H and I swore to each other the day we got engaged that if we got M we would stay M and never D just like his parents. Over the years, and up until maybe 6 months before this happened my H would always say I was the best thing that ever happened to him. That he didn't know where he'd be without me. That I didn't have to worry, as he was never going anywhere...

I have a hard time not taking his calls as they are so very few and far between. Always think it's maybe important since he did call. And I really don't think he has any concern for me or what I am doing at all. Except that he is thinking I am trying to screw him and "take all that he has worked his f*cking a*s off for".

Sometimes I wish I could get the love for him out of my heart. So that I could go file and walk away from this mess I am in to start over...