Thanks very much for your input and thoughts. I will take this very tentatively at first if she makes good her pledge to come home this weekend. I have spoken to a DB coach (Jodie) who has given me some pointers as to how to communicate in a way that makes her feel safe, uses collaborative language and doesn't accuse which I plan on mentally rehearsing and following to the letter.
Jodie agreed that she seems to be edging back into the marriage but I am still very wary and probably will be for a while. In spite of this I will "act as if" as much as possible. If she had simply fooled around during the separation like I did, I could probably live with it but the fact that she is having a full blown R with OM whom she holds in very high regard will create far more residual issues to work through, should a reconciliation take place.
This morning was very very tough as it's her birthday today and I know she will be with OM. I have bought her a couple of gifts in case she makes good her promise to come.
On a different note I urgently need to change jobs as the one I have isn't supporting my career goals at all. I have 3 offers - one in Munich and two in Sydney and W said she wants us to live in Munich for a while and see more of Europe before returning to Australia. I would like that too but to be honest I simply want to heal from this excruciatingly painful episode. I know that will take time but right now I just want the chaos to end.
Again, both of you thanks very much. Just_Me I have read your story and it sounds like you really have mastered DBing. It's great that both of you veterans are so generous and offer advice to us.
GH31
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
