Please help me! Wife wants out! (5)

[sandi2]

Then I turned my cheek, as if to recieve one.. 2 seconds nothing... so I went back to the kitchen. She said come here, I said no, of you want to kiss me then you will but I am definately not going to beg for one. So she came up to me and kissed my check. Possibly asking, but I am beyond thinking about that today.

I'm not sure what you meant by being beyond thinking about that today. But I wish you could see how the sounds to somebody else reading that statement. It sounds like a child Steve. Sorry to be so blunt, but it is true. You wanted her to kiss you on your cheek (setting yourself up for disappointment...again) and when she didn't you repsonded like a kid. DON'T TURN YOUR CHEEK TO HER FOR A KISS! That is the same as asking her for a kiss....can't you see that? It is a turn-off to her. When she did not respond, that should have told you immediately how she felt, but you acted all hurt and said what you did. Then she had to treat you like you were her little boy instead of her man. Noice when she told you to "come here". That is the way a mother would talk to a little boy. What she should have done is walk up to you and give you a kiss on the cheek (if she wanted to kiss you....but not b/c you reacted like you did). Why didn't you just try to brush it off and quickly get busy with something or go into the other room "pretending" to be doing something? I'll tell you why....because you are still hung up on the kissing!! Get over it! I know you think you are going to die if you don't receive some affection soon....but trust me, you won't!

I know you are really trying hard and apparently all of this must be very foreign to your nature b/c it just seems to creep into things even when you think you are not pursuing or showing yourself to be needy. This is one of those times I wish I could reach through the computer and shake you and tell you to GET OVER THE KISSING STUFF! You are hung up on it man! Wait for her to make those steps.

You did good at bedtime by not asking for a good-night kiss, but on the otherhand, you asked her about where you should sleep.

I did ask if I was getting another night in `our` bed

That is still making yourself appear like a little needy boy waiting for his mother to tell him what to do. Just keep going to the other bed until she tells you to stop going to the other room and stay with her. If she does not say that she wants it to be from now on, don't ask, just go with the flow. It's hard to know how to handle this, (due to her pregnancy), but I think I would not say anything but act "as if" and just go to her bed without saying anything. Trust me, if she doesn't want you there, she will let you know. Be prepared, Steve. Have your emotions ready and prepared for the possibility that she may have those times that she does not want you or anyone to sleep next to her right then. If you are emotionally prepared, then you will not respond in a childlike manner. That is what I mean by telling you to stop setting yourself up for disappointment. BTW, don't ask her if you can cuddle or if she needs to be held or anything like that. If she does....she will let you know by either making the first move to lay closer to you or else tell you that she would like to be held. DO NOT TAKE IT AN INCH FURTHER! It will be hard, due to your lack of sex now, but you have got to take this very, very slowly or you will lose all the ground you have gained. Once you get back in her bed....you are on eggshells my friend. So, let her do all the pursuing. Did you hear that sweetie? You are available to her by just being in her bed....ok? But don't get all giddy and think things are going to get all touchy-touchy. Depending on her mood swing, it may or may not....but remember the "golden rule" here....have your emotions prepared and don't set yourself up for disappointment.

Don't get me wrong sweetie, you are doing good, but I point these things out to you b/c I want you to hear it from a woman's POV. Also, you still have not gotten enough of a life for yourself. (Unless you are not telling it all.) Your W is on your mind 24/7 (which is understandable)but, you don't do enough for Steve! Do you have any hobbies or sports or activities that you like? Do you like to spend time in a library? Do something, but get your (now somewhat skinny) butt out of that house and do something for yourself.

I admire the way you have made this all about her...in some ways.....simply b/c she is pregnant and b/c you seemed to be such a loving and caring person. You want that baby so much! But GAL is an area that you are lacking, Steve, and it is needed to help round out your personality. If you would GAL, it will help you to not appear so needy and won't act as if you are hoovering over her, waiting for her to crook her finger for you to come running for whatever she may want you to do for her at that precise moment. Don't get me wrong here.....stay balanced and don't over-kill, b/c the two of you need to have time together, but I think she still needs a certain amount of space b/c it is obvious that she is not ready for the intimacy yet. Remember, you want to be just a little bit unavailable and have a hint of mystery about yourself. I say a hint b/c with her being pregnant, you certainly don't want her to think you are seeing another woman! I sure hope you are understanding what I'm trying to communicate. I get concerned sometimes that I must not be a very good communicator...(lol) b/c of some things other people have thought I meant.

You have lost weight....a lot of weight, so I bet you could go clothes shopping. Try the clothes on in the store and ask the clerk if they saw you wearing that....would it look like it went with the rest of you. She/he knows what you mean by that. Haven't you passed by people that were dressed in some fashion that just didn't look as though it went with the rest of their look? You want it all to go together.....the style of your hair....down to the type shoes you wear. Don't get some clerk that would say that anything would look good just to make a sale, but somebody that would really be of help. If you have a male friend or female relative that would go with you.....that would even be better.....if he/she has taste in clothes! You want to look sharp and hot with that new body of yours! Maybe break away from the usual style and get something that is more fashionable for men (not that you aren't fashionable.....I don't know that, I am just suggestings something different.)

It sounds like maybe you did go to some sports game, or did you watch it on TV? And, I assume that you are still working out at the gym, and that is great! That is all part of GAL.

I know you get sick and tired of hearing all of us saying "baby steps" over and over.....but that truly is the secret. I would wait until I saw more positive signs from your W before I started sending the special crafty things. I know you mean well, and if it were under the right circumstances.....it would be precious....but this stitch is not the normal, so you have to be very careful what you do and don't do.

I say all these things to you b/c I am hoping that some day in the future, the two of you will be expecting another baby and you can do all the things that your big hearted nature wants to do for her now. Hopefully though, you will learn some life-changing habits so it will not discontinue the minute you think everything is normal again. B/c if you go back to the "needy/clingy" ways that shows weakness.....it will be trouble again.

Just take an hour at a time, sweetie, and do the best you can. We all mess up.....believe me! If a person will learn for his/her mistakes....then that is a smart person indeed, but when they don't learn and keep making the same mistakes over and over again....that person is not very wise at all. Hummmm....that sound pretty good...like it should be written down somewhere...lol. I think you are working hard to change and I believe you are learning from your mistakes. It is just so different for you and that is why we have to get that 2x4 out once in a while...lol. But, it's b/c we care about you so much.

Have a good day and take care.

Sandi