Feeling a little irritable this evening.

I don't know....When I stopped to think about this earlier today, it bugs me that H hasn't really spent a whole lot of QT with me or even the boys. I mean yes, he's here, but he hasn't really done much with us this past month.

He had 4 days off last week and 3 the week before. Prior to that, he took all the overtime that was offered to him.

On his last cycle off from work, he did things around the outside of the house. The time before that, he was gone everyday looking at cars. When he is working, he comes home, but there is ALWAYS someone else here - a couple of co-workers - and he's always outside in the garage with them, drinking beer and watching TV. Doesn't ask me how I feel about it. Just has them come over and we feed them. That's fine I guess, but I don't like it happening 3 nights a week. Once or twice maybe, but not 3. That's time in the evenings that he could be spending with the boys, taking them somewhere or just playing with them outside.

I'm also feeling like I shouldn't ask for help with the kids. Like tonight, S12 had to be picked up at 7pm from his martial arts class. I asked H if he could pick him up so I could stay home and get dinner started, and he replied as if I was asking too much of him, "Yeah, if I need to. I wanted to go to Sports Authority, but I guess I won't." Geez, I'm so sorry ! Whenever I ask for any kind of help with the kids, I feel like I'm annoying him.

I can also tell he's been smoking. Yuck ! He knows I can't stand this but won't stop. Fine, whatever. I just want to refuse giving him a kiss when he leans in for one . Sorry if that offends anyone out there!

Anyway, H is outside right now with his friends again. I didn't make enough dinner tonight to feed 3 grown men, so he's leaving to pick something up for them......Perhaps if he told me they were going to be here AGAIN, I would've cooked more food.

The last time H and I did something together...alone...was when we went to the basketball game. That was March 7th.

Just feeling a bit neglected at the moment, and I wanted to get it out. \:\(

*Sigh*

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell