Yes, KIWIS!!! I had some this afternoon in my salad !! (the fruit... not the new zealanders!!)

I don't think NZ is too far at all!!! I spent 3 months in Bali in 2005, and I want to get back there so soon. So, NZ is just "in the neighborhood" (well, in the planetary sense) of another place that's already really important in my life. (I have been doing Balinese music & dance for a loonngggg time... it is another passion of mine along with the cello, and I speak Indonesian too!)

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Thanks for your advice about breaking things so H can show me his love.



Are you serious??!! The way you put it makes me laugh. We could make a list of all the things that could mysteriously "become broken".

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Apparently my Dad has lined my H up to do work on my bathroom. I wonder is my Dad subtly trying to increase our contact?!?! That's funny if my Dad is a secret match maker! I dont want to be too needy and ask for too much help, but I'm making a point of being very thankful for all acts of service (without being gushy).


Essie!!! this is REALLY GOOD!!! We don't even have to break anything!! OK. Let's get to work on this one. Can you "accidentally" be there doing a 180 or GAL activity while he is working on the bathroom?? While wearing a hot 180 outfit? What could you do to 180 your bathroom/house that he could notice (that you would want to do anyway)? Maybe ... I dunno... you could leave a thong on the floor, or something? A hot new bra?? ("Oh, I'm sorry I left this lying around... I must have left it here when I got into the SHOWER", and then he can imagine you wearing it (or wearing NOTHING)) Or even, paint a bathroom wall, or change your soap, buy a new sofa, you know what I'm sayiN?
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It would be nice to think of some ways that I could show H I loved him by acts of service.... but it is tricky with such limited contact. it might come on a bit too strong if I rocked up to his apartment offering to cook and clean for him!


Yes. OK. Good point. Well, two things. FIRST: what acts of service has H appreciated in the past? Which of these would be appropriate to use to thank him for his act of service with the bathroom? Like, maybe he loves MUFFINS. (i'm *kinda* kidding here). So maybe when he came over to fix the bathroom, you could leave some muffins out with a note that said, "Hey,thanks for fixing the bathroom!! you are such a great helper!! Please have a muffin... I wanted to do something to show my appreciation." (I am sure we can ask others to help us fine-tune the wording of the note.) I mean, obviously maybe he doesn't like muffins but what does he like??

If you can't cook and clean for him at his apt, cause I agree with you that would be coming on too strong, could you maybe make him some food to take home with him (casually, like, "oh, I thought you might like some of your favorite entree to take home with you, I had some extra & I wanted to thank you for fixing the bathroom")? Or, is there something you could clean for him when he is fixing your bathroom? Like vacuum out the inside of his car, or iron his socks, or something that would be surprisingly helpful?

Let me know if I'm way off the mark here. I'm just trying to get the juices flowing and think outside the box a little bit.!

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I'm glad you are having great success with counselors.... I have seen one for IC and Marriage C. Definitely the Marriage C did NOT help and was the worst DB-ing move. I didn't find IC all that helpful either.... I've got way more out of reading good books and thinking about things on my own.


I am sorry to hear about your crappy and unhelpful experiences with counselors!!!! \:\( When I started meeting with my C, I had SERIOUS doubts. (In my first post I said I thought he was incompetent). But, b/c it's through my school, it's free, so I kept going. And after about a 2-3 month "getting to know each other" period, it started helping A LOT. Now I am actually upset that I might not be able to get counseling over the summer. So I can see why having a bad experience would be a big turn-off to the whole counseling thing. But I would really encourage you to investigate some others... trust your instincts but keep looking !!

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I love the international flavour of this board - It would be so cool to actually meet (and I want to see those boots in real life!)


me too!!! I feel so special that I have dbing friends literally around the world. It would be amazing to actually meet. And the crazy thing about the boots is that they are even more insane in real life!!

I hope you have a beautiful day!! I am thinking of you and sending you lots of positive vibes!!
(((((ESSIE))))
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