#3 Did I find DB too late? Maybe not...

[cw68]

I just put down two beds and I might mention it closer to the date, but don't want to freak him out right now by bringing it up. He's not open to MC, but is open to putting a deposit down on Retro. I'm not going to push it any farther, but will keep this in the back of my mind, thanks Sara.

[cw68]

Little update. H was on business trip yesterday/today. We spoke briefly when he called the kids. I was just folding laundry and heard my cell indicate a text had arrived. "Back in XXX, survived another trip... "

He didn't need to text me, but he did. He'll be here at the house in eight hours anyway.

[jmw128]

He's not open to MC, but is open to putting a deposit down on Retro.

congrats...that's big to me. Anything that says I am working on some part of our R is fantastic. Good job.

Tried to get my W to do that early on, but she wouldn't and probably still would not be willing. I even used the approach mentioned on page 2 of working on communication for 5D sake...maybe as we move into stage 2. Let us know how it goes when you do go this summer...

gl in the meanwhile.

[cw68]

I don't know whether or not he'll actually do it, but I am very pleased that he's at least open to the IDEA of it. Of course, I haven't told him about the follow-up weekends as I think that would scare him off. It's all about baby steps for me towards this right now. First see if he's open to the idea. Good. Then as the day comes closer, make sure he's actually willing to go. (Already have a weekend babysitter lined up.) Then mention the follow-up weekends and let the program explain them.

At the very least, if we still end up divorced I will feel better if we've really, really tried to make this work. Our kids, and hopes and dreams at the beginning of our marriage, deserve that.

[jmw128]

"Back in XXX, survived another trip... "

He didn't need to text me, but he did. He'll be here at the house in eight hours anyway.

I remember getting a text similar to that when W went and visited her brother out of state...just bizarre to send it when she wouldn't call or contact any other time but text and calls several times while gone. And didn't need...I understand big time.

First see if he's open to the idea. Good. Then as the day comes closer, make sure he's actually willing to go. (Already have a weekend babysitter lined up.) Then mention the follow-up weekends and let the program explain them.

exactly...it worked out well for you so far. I like the idea of the program explaining the follow-ups. If he's already willing to go, then he is expecting it to come up - confirmation is nice but just seems that has already been taken care of by him saying he would go. Just my thoughts...maybe my W will go one day...haven't mentioned it since November.

gl2u...congrats again...enjoy stage 2 while moving to 3...any tips to get to stage 2?

[cw68]

What allowed us to get to stage 2, IMO, was me letting go of the anger, the hurt, the "I can't believe he'd do this to me/our kids/us" feelings. I had to let them go. Now we'll just see what comes our way with me DB'ing my arse off and him getting his space and ability to reflect (and his IC).

Note, he hasn't said he would go. He said he's open to the idea and OK with me putting the deposit down. The religious aspect of it might keep it from happening since we're both atheists, but the price makes up for that in my book. Don't know in his book, however and he's just simply "not there" when it comes to purposefully doing anything together that resembles work on our relationship.

[Virtually_Handsome]

The religious aspect is really downplayed, and the most religious parts are optional. Yes, a priest is there, and does some presenting, but not really from a religious point of view. The religion that does come in is really values that most of us hold, whether due to religion, or jsut becuase they are "right".

I wouldn't worry about the post sessions yet, if he goes, and thinks it was useful, he'll make the time for them. My W didn't, but that's her, not him.

[cw68]

That's what I understand about the program, but my H is very anti-religion. His mother instilled a deep dislike and distrust of religion in him. Me, I was raised in the church and encouraged to really explore all of my feelings. So while I'm very comfortable in my disbelief (which so many people can't understand), I'm also comfortable in a religious setting and am able to filter out what I want. Not sure H feels the same way. Hopefully the Catholic bent won't be a show-stopper.

Oh, and regarding the post-sessions, I also feel the same way you do about them. I just don't want to go, "Hey H, first it's a whole weekend and then a bunch of post-sessions, too!" I think it might just be too much for him to contemplate at this point.

[jmw128]

"Hey H, first it's a whole weekend and then a bunch of post-sessions, too!"

maybe a brochure or something...as long as he is aware so it's not a shocker during the initial weekend. If my W ever did agree, I cannot imagine her being thrilled to hear, "oh by the way, there's more to it than that, you have to do this too." So, I understand the sentiment. He has told you he is open to the idea...that is great. A lot better than my first attempt at my W going, "I think I've put up with enough of your crap."...lmao, rofl, that actually has me rolling...2 funny.

I wouldn't be discouraged by the religion part of the program. I understand some would, but I don't get the impression that religion really has anything to do with it...more as the prior posted, values that we all hold.

gl2u

[cw68]

They are sending me info on it as a post-registration thing. Closer to the date, once we actually talk about going, I'll share the post-date information with him. I'll let the idea sink in first and (hopefully) it will seem an attractive option in his mind.