MLC BS/2?

[Drew]

Patrick,

You've taken the first step. Good for you.

Don't misstep by running right to someone else.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

...

dating...

yeah...

man get ready for the 2x4's.

Hard to say you want to save your marriage but have a profile on match.com... pick one or the other.

Yeah she is dating and sleeping with someone else...

At least keep your vows.

Exactly how much of a marriage do you want to reconcile? "fix"?

[Drew]

It's a good feeling to be able to look your boys in the eye and tell them you kept your vows. And know they know it's the truth.

That my friends, is what life is all about.

[Patrick325]

I am trying to avoid it but it's hard when you crave that physical contact that you used to have every day. I never knew how much you can miss a loving hug....

[Jack_Three_Beans]

God,

I hope that you are just venting instead of trying to inform us of what it is like to miss the physical touch from our wives. Cause you know...I'd have no idea of what you were talking about then.

[missmyfriend]

Patrick, I understand. BELIEVE ME I UNDERSTAND!!! I have chewed on 3 metric tons of ice because it has been since November 26, 2006 @ approximately 10:35pm since my last interaction with the fairer sex. My W left on Nov 27, 2006.

The fact is that you do not crave just the sex act, which is obvious by your posts. You appear to want someone for more than sex. I applaud that.

I am not saying this as a judgmental comment but to help a friend not make a mistake...you are still married and it would be adultery, no matter what your wife is doing. Two wrongs do not make a right. I have to remind myself of this every day because I have a high sex drive myself. Remember the ice?

Avoiding dating and sex with someone other than your wife is not to make you better than her. It is to be the man we all want to be. A man of honor and dignity.

I do encourage you to have a life. Get out with friends, preferably male since you and I both have an extreme weakness for the fairer sex, it would be an unbelievable temptation to hang out with women.

And I would block the dating sites from my PC if it is too difficult to avoid.

Again, I am not condemning you. I would have to take a plank out of my own eye first before I can ever judge someone else.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Patrick,

This is always a difficult subject.

You're human, we are social creatures, you want attention. You deserve attention. You're wife is doing this why can't you.

Well, the truth is you can.

Here are the downfalls of that path.

It is hypocritical to say you want your marriage and to date other people. And the kettle who has been in the fire is suggesting the pot is black.

What example are you showing your daughters? That a physical want is more important than morals? In a couple of years you are going to want their morals as high as they can be. You cannot say: "Do as I say not as I did." You will have no footing. Be the man you want them to use as a template for a boyfriend or husband.

Worst case:
You and this unknown woman hit it off, and you do so really really deeply. Your wife wants to reconcile, she actually despite everything that has happened wants to try and work it out between you. Your a Christian man I believe, do you toss your marriage now that your wife has finally gotten clear enough of her MLC to actually start regretting her choices?
Now YOU get to hurt someone. Your wife, who you are still married too, or this unknown lady who doesn't deserve any of the pain.

Right now you are vulnerable. Please read that a bunch of times.
You are vulnerable.
Your self esteem has holes in it that would sink an aircraft carrier. You are confusing sexual wants, with needs. Take a long shower instead. You crave contact, preferable the soft good smelling kind of hugs that woman are great at giving.
You will make POOR choices like this.

Do not rush into another relationship, even if you think it is temporary even if you only think it is to fulfill a physical want. You are not ready, you will bring pain, and that pain is your fault. That pain will flow, there is no stopping it.

Temptation comes in through the door we intentionally leave open.

Close that door Patrick.

[Patrick325]

I guess my water bill is going to skyrocket between the ice and the showers. I know it's true...I need to be patient...I do need to remember what impact it has on my kids. I have been wondering if I should put my W ring back on again. I don't know if it will set my W off or not. I kind of want to but I have had it off since I found out she moved in with OM....I don't want it to send the wrong message...she has accused me of trying to slow down the D (which I have been doing)...

[Patrick325]

Do you think it's true that God has a plan for all of us? And that everything we go thru is pushing us in the direction God wants us to go? The problem is finding out what that purpose is. I wish God would make it more evident so we can get over the sins committed against us. Instead of dwelling on the pain we endure we can move on....

[Jack_Three_Beans]

That is a good question.

I suppose I'll know the answer when I'm dead.