Does she despise you for the porn? Or for being you? Or for some other reason? Does she maybe despise herself but has to project it upon you because she can't face herself with her own shortcomings?
I really do understand where you are coming from. I always felt like I was the one who tried and tried and he did nothing but complain and get more stubborn. So finally I gave up.
But the one thing I didn't realize until I went through it was that the actual divorce process was so painful and horrible that it really was worse than staying. This is why I wish I had tried harder even if that meant swallowing all pride. I feel things still would have ended up the same, though and we'd still be divorced. But the divorce then would not have been quite as painful.
Near--- I hope you have some good friends to talk to at least. And I hope you find an individual counselor. Also, have you made sure you take care of YOU and get a life, keep your hobbies, etc? Sometimes doing that will bring a spouse back around because it sparks some interest in you.
But...from what you are describing, your wife may have one foot out the door as well....I feel bad for you and will keep you in my prayers. Do good things for yourself if nothing else.
I have a feeling she will eventually come around and ask you for sex. But by then you will probably be so sick of her that you will turn her down.
Not sure what your last comment was referring to but...yuck! (LOL!)
