Supermom and the Brighter Tomorrow

[JennyF]

Well, things are moving right along.
H is coming tomorrow to pack up his stuff and we're going to try to negotiate the custody AGAIN. He says this time he wants to compromise, we'll see. I'm going to tell him from the start that the only we're going to get through this is if he doesn't get up and walk away the second we don't agree.

He is definitely moving right along with being friendly again. He thinks he's dad of the year because he's got bedding and stuff for the kids at his new place. I find it hard to hear him go on about it and not roll my eyes. But I don't...I've still got that DB sense about me guess.

H called me on Sat afternoon to tell me that OW was going to be meeting D. She and her S9 were coming and they were going to go to the park. I had a little cry when I got off the phone and then I quickly realized that in a way I was glad it was happening. In less than a month my D is going to be living in a house with her part time and she needs to get comfortable with her. It's easier to accept when I realize that the only important thing in this is that my children are transitioned as well as possible through all of this madness and caos that H has created. I KNOW it is wrong and not what is best for my kids, but it is more important that I focus on making it as right as I possibly can with so much out of my control.

So she met her and her S. H said it went well. I haven't ask D about it and she hasn't mentioned it. I'm going to talk to H tomorrow about having a talk with her together to tell her what is happening. Also, I want to talk about my stipulations for her being there. One of them being that NEVER under any circumstances should D or S be left to be babysat by her kids or anyone else that I don't know for that matter. NEVER.
Unfortunately I have my own brutal story as it relates to step siblings and I swore my daughter would never be put in that position. It's my worst nightmare come true as I promised myself I would always be there to protect her. I know H will protect her...it's really my own insecurity. But H knows it too so I hope he's respectful of it.

I've really been able to step back from H and see this sitch for what it is. I still love him very much, but I'm feeling my love switch to the kind of love that is letting him go. I love him enough to let him go and not have any expectations of him. That's how I know this love is real.

I'm sad about him coming tomorrow to pack. I got a little choked up today talking to him about a couple things. I've been really just allowing myself to feel those emotions when they happen. Just feel them, allow them and let it fade.
I read recently something like this....don't add unhappiness to unhappiness. Why be unhappy about being unhappy? Just allow yourself to be unhappy and suddenly your weight is already lighter.
It seems to be working.
J~