I appreciate the kind words, Lwb, Karen. They really help. At the same time however I have to face up to the facts. I really did fail my M; I take all my share of the blame. I have through neglect and a dissatisfaction with my lot in life allowed such hostility to be built up in W's heart that it is now irrevocable.
If matters were not bad enough, I just got more bad news today. Now my job is in jeopardy. Our division is merging with another over the next year, and despite assurances there would be no impact from this consolidation, I got word that we're restructuring in our department anyway. And because there is not enough chairs for the merged management and because I was already in a sort-of probation because my productivity has suffered in the last year (I think we can all guess why), my position is being eliminated. I believe I got beat out for it by my counterpart at the other division.
If I am to stay on with the company they will have to demote me out of a management position to take a senior analyst position, at a significant cut in pay -- or I could walk (which they offered a severance if I do).
This is another painful shock after working so hard on my PIP (performance improvement plan) this year. And I am worried now about my direct reports, my team members.
They are letting me sleep on this tonight, to decide whether I can live with the demotion or to tender my resignation. I am to give them my answer as soon as I report to HR in the morning.
I really need my job, much as I hate the heavy-handed management structure of this thankless corporation. I cannot afford to be out of work, not now -- as this could jeopardize any chance I have to stay in my S's lives. W would use this to solidify her resolve to be rid of me not only in her life but my S's lives as well, no matter the cost.
I also don't know if I can afford this apartment, the house note and child support or any of the other expenses on anything less than what I currently make.
