Stronger - but still confused

[Snow White]

I have a feeling he won't agree to the conditions yet anyways, if he ever does. This is the letter I was writing, I knew you guys would tell me no, and I don;t think I am ready to give it and have it turned down but I will show you, as it helps just to get my thoughts on paper.

H,

I keep hearing you say I kicked you out. Is that what you think happened? I think you decided you no longer wanted to be a part of our household by repeatedly choosing another person over your daughter and I.

I have already told you that I will welcome you home if you decide that home is where you want to be. You know that I love you and it has always been my choice to stay together as a family if possible. I am more than willing to work towards this if you are.

Deciding you want to be here would require, no contact with OW. There is no requirement for you to talk to her everyday (or at all) from work or elsewhere, and doing so is simply disrespectful and destructive to our marriage and makes it impossible for us to move forward.

It would also require a change in your current social behaviour. I am not saying you cannot go out but recently it has been too much, and too often. You know what happened Saturday night cannot happen again. I am as concerned about the state in which you were driving as I am about the damage you did to our house and the violence you displayed towards me. I do not know what I would do if you died behind the wheel. I do not mind if you go down to sneakers or over to "b's" but maybe we need to set up a system to get you home safely. It is also unfair that you simply state I am going out tonight as if you are Lord and Master and daring me to say no. It is like you are taking advantage of my attempts to not control. You need to take into consideration that not only are you a 36 year old with a social life you are a father and a husband and perhaps set some limits yourself on your activities so no one else is required to; There has to be a happy medium.




As far as the anger - I am sure I sound like a victim of abuse saying this - but I am really not certain i will see that again. He has never shown 1 violent tendancy in my entire time with him. I escalated the problem with my own anger at the entire situation and that he got pulled over on his way to do a drive by of ow's house. I am not excusing it I am just not viewing it as something that is inevitable to happen again.