wow, I just got upgraded to "member". not sure if that's a good thing. lol!


Anyway, I really need some advise from you wise db'rs. If you have been following my story, h dropped bomb on me 5 weeks ago out of no where. I don't love you anymore, etc. No mention of affair and I asked. He was like, I'm leaving by the end of March and then proceeded to leave me for a week on a business trip. (my mom came and stayed with my and our 5 year old daughter).

When he came home I told him (this is ny state) I would not sign sep. papers until we went to 3 months of therapy and stayed in the home as our daughter is vERY attached to her father. I couldn't believe it, but he agreed.

We actually haven't started therapy (1st session is next week) because now that we're upstate instead of the city it's hard to find a therapist that took our insurance.

OK, I find out about affair a week ago saturday. during that time, I get a lawyer (he doesn't know, but suspects). I go to the city for 3 days, GAL, hang with my friends, etc.

So now that I'm back, I'm db'ing and yes, I will not ask for sex again nikb -- I know that was so not db. Before the affair, for some reason, I felt different, now I feel like I'm competing or something with this person that I know nothing about.

So here's my question. Should I just ask him to leave? I NEVER thought I would be asking this. But he keeps saying he wants to, then says he won't until the house sells (which will take a very long time, believe me, I know this market). My lawyer thinks (and I know he's right about this) that he really doesn't have the money to leave). And a friend also told me that if really wanted to leave, he would FIND a way to leave.

I don't know. I just want to feel NORMAL in my house again and I'm db'ing and giving him space and all that and acting "as if" and bubbly, but I gotta say, it's exhausting and I am finding myself dreading 6 pm when he comes home!!!! I used to look so forward to it, because that was when I was kind of "off the clock" so to speak and he would read to our daughter and tuck her in (their special time together). And I could go have my coffee and relax.

Please advise-- there are so many smart people on this board.