Thanks Bruce, I do like the new me alot and would never want to go back. I have learned a lot in just a short time. A lot about her also. Yes, she is in a tremendous amount of pain. She misses her Mom a lot, is a completly different person and is in a lot of pain and depressed. Ifell really bad and would do anything for her but my help is not being solisited. That's the worst part.
Glad to hear you and the kids had such an enjoyable ride. Be in the moment and find joy in times like that. No one else can make you happy or joyous. Only you do that for yourself. Happiness can exist independent of circumstances. Life's events can cause us pain, but in the end we are the ones who will decide whether we are going to let the pain consume us, or whether we will confront it and push through to joy.
You are doing well under these trying circumstances. Keep it going.
Middle aged women are way too empowered. Hey, if I was at a low in my life (saw myself aging, career sucks, mother dieing, best friend dieing, raising three teenagers all in three months) and minor marriage issues and I could take a few bucks and alimony per month for the rest of my life I may think of hitting the road and acting like a teenager too. Sounds like fun to me.
I will be fine. At the moment I feel very used. I think I have weathered some of the biggest bumps already over the last 6 months. This is very hard for me but I am starting to accept and detach. It’s tough to take twenty years and just forget about it. The hardest part will be moving out and saying goodbye.
This whole thing has really changed me as a person and I really like the changes I have made, I now I feel very alive and aware. I can not control her and her wants and needs but I can control me and the way I react to her craziness. A lot of this was my fault too, I was kind of sleep walking through life, taking things for granted.
The best thing that is coming out of this I never realized how many people really love me and really care for me, including her family. I really had no idea. When this crisis hit so many people were right there for me, they were lined up. I was with her twin brother and my sister in-law this weekend for the funeral and they spent so much time just telling me how much they loved me and we talked about all the great times we had together. I also have never been closer to my family.
I feel really bad for my kids but I will dedicate the rest of my life to them and their happiness. I love them so much it’s crazy. They hate their mother right now and I have to fix that which is also going to be very hard. Their relationship with their Mom is very important. They don’t see how important it is now because of the poor choices she is making, the way she is treating me and paying no attention to them.
Time takes time but I will be fine.
I hope this gives you a better understanding of what is going on, thanks for your support and thoughtfulness.
The best thing that is coming out of this I never realized how many people really love me and really care for me, including her family. I really had no idea.
I'm glad that they're there and you've been able tosee just how loved you are.
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They hate their mother right now and I have to fix that which is also going to be very hard.
You can't fix this. She has to. I know you want to, but honestly how can you fix a R between others? That work is an inside job. I hope that she'll step out of her own pain a little (even for a little while) and help your kids. What she's doing to them and ultimately herslef is something she'll have to live with. I don't say that with anything byt sadness in my heart. Sadness for all of you.
You're right that you will be fine. It's up to you to help your kids be ok too.
This is another area were I feel so helpless. I can't help her and I can't help my kids relationship with her. It is all so sad and helpless. I am doing the best I can with my kids but when one of us walks out that door all sh** is going to hit thier emotional fan. I wish my W would wake up.
I am really happy for you. This is so painful for you and your kids, but you have grown in so many ways. You've learned some valuable lessons out of all of this, and you will have a richer, better future as a result. No one can say exactly what that future looks like, but you will have your new frame of reference on life to take you the rest of the way. I saw myself in many of your posts (but not the part about my in laws! I've had no contact with them and am sure I'm enemy number one; they never really liked me from the start).
You have reached a depth of understanding that I believe few people in this life know. It's what the ancient Greeks wrote about centuries ago--through our suffering we may finally reach a point of greater wisdom, provided we are paying attention. You've been paying attention when a lot of people are still sleepwalking. Yes, it's easy for you and me to wonder why we didn't do this before, why it took so long, why it took so much pain, etc.
In the end, such questions are pointless. Our lives unfolded as they did. In the past, we acted with the highest level of consciousness we had at the time. We've moved to a deeper level of consciousness now, and so our task is to implement that in our new lives. The tragedy would be in reverting back to old ways knowing what we do now.
I think my in-laws like me better then they do my W. They know she is not stable but thier opion we are both wonderful people but we are not good together and we both "desreve to be happy". Well I would be happy if my W would put some effort into our marrage and consider R but she is dead set on "getting things moving". I just want her to be happy nomatter what. I don't worry about me, just her and the kids.
i am trying to keep busy and stay out of her way. The arguing is really starting to get to me and i am avoiding it in anyway possible. I also think she is spending a lot more time with OM but I can not speculate or worry.
I think you are right to stay out of her way. She won't listen to you now, and maybe never will. Then again, she might change course at some point. You just don't know what will happen until it does. In the meantime, keep on living for yourself. She's in no place to be of much help to you right now. And if she truly wants to be free, then you have to let her go. It will then be her kettle of fish whether she realizes one day she made a mistake or is truly happier without you. We don't get to decide that. We think we'd like to make a real effort with them, but at some point one person cannot DB. At some point, it takes two to work on a marriage. We couldn't force them to marry us, and we can't force them to stay. Sometimes love does mean letting go, as hard as that is to do.
That is right where I am now. I need to let her go. Like the Sting song, "Free, free, let her go free." When I do I know she will not be back but I really think that is ok now. All I want for her is for her to be happy. She will be happier without me and i know she misses and feels for the OM, she has told me so. You are right, one person can not DB, I am getting nothing back so i will set her free. I really don't know if she knows what she is giving up. So many men are so screwed up out there right now. I am no box of perfect chocolates but I don't drink, smoke, gamble, womenize and I am a great loving father. This guy just wants to get in her shorts and then he will be gone. So will I. She makes me so sick with her confidence and cockiness, she is going to crash and burn and the kids and I are going to left to pick up the pieces. You know I will be there too, maybe not as a husband but as a friend.
