I agree with ACJ. He is still married and this is already confusing and hurtful enough for the kids. I'm not even suggesting that this woman is a bad person. She probably only knows what he has decided to tell her and I'm sure his truth is missing some very important pieces.
Ah....I have no solution. Just wanted to get up on my soapbox! Ok, I'm done........
I would rather be alone than to be living with an emotionally vacant and totally selfish person Besides, we're only as alone as we choose to be, and it's so nice to be with people who want to be a part of our lives.
Before the whole crap hit the fan in early Feb my sitter died, a wonderful lively woman of 43. At her funeral (if there is such thing, the most beautiful funeral I've even been to) everyone rejoiced celebrating her life. The oldest d got up and turning to the father she said "thank you dad for loving her so much, she knew she was loved, you were her best friend and thank you for giving her a wonderful life"
Ohhhh, how my heart ached to hear that, how she knew she was loved and her H was her best friend, that's the kind of man I wanted, not the the spineless H I had who was stringing ow along and lying and betraying me every day for the past 8mths, how he didnt' give a damn how his actions would affect me.
I was very afraid of being alone at the beginning. But as I slowly find peace I realize that I think I want to be alone for a bit, not ready to deal with a man and his baggage (we all have some!). Not so afraid of being on my own, and yes, we are as alone as we choose to be.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thanks for pulling out that quote: it spoke to me, too. As much as I am lonely sometimes, I was actually lonliER in my M - maybe because I had expectations of some kind of emotional intimacy, which stbx was incapable of.
There is a French expression: Mieux vaut etre seul que d'etre mal accompagne. (can't make the accents work) Loose translation: it's better to be alone than to be accompanied by someone who isn't good for you. I do have to remind myself sometimes that this is true, b/c I know it is.
The weather is getting warmer here, and sunnier, and that puts me in a better mood.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
We've been S for more than 2.5 years, and she's been in the kids' lives for over a year now, so in that respect, it doesn't really matter to me. Yes, I wish he had respected his vows, but he didn't, and there's no point in my holding him to the same standard I have held myself. That said, if Mr. Hottie asked me out, I would go...and we are still M. Though hopefully not past the end of the month, if all goes well.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I had expectations of some kind of emotional intimacy, which stbx was incapable of.
I just realized how long I was waiting for that for the 1.5yr I was "piecing" with 4nowH, and I remember reading somewhere how in a M you need 3 things : commitment, love and passion. When we were together he had commitment for about 5mins, a dash of some sort of love but no passion, let alone emotional intimacy. I held on hoping for crumbs for so long, from a person, as you rightly put it INCAPABLE of giving.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I think that the kid pickup and the date with Mr. Hottie both speak to the same thing: you are married in name only, and not for much longer, either. Just my two cents.
