Better late than never?

[jon2911]

Thanks again. W texted me, telling me to leave her mail in the mailbox. She's not leaving until tomorrow morning, but of course I won't get to see her. Hopefully this time will be good for both of us.

[jon2911]

Monday night my recovery group went very well. W wanted to sign the tax papers, so I went by her place quickly, said a couple nice things, then left.

Very unexpectedly, she called and asked my to come over last night. She needed help packing. I had to cancel plans, and let her know that, but was excited to come. I came with no expectations, just wanting to help.

W's attitude was completely different. Night and Day. She got some serious migraine meds through an IV at the doctor, and maybe that helped. I think my attitude helped also. I took her on my Harley for dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, and she complemented me for joking with the waiter. "You're getting more social", she said. Good. We had a great time at dinner, came back and set up an air mattress because all her furniture was gone. It was so fun, we both felt like we were camping, and I got to hold her and talk for a while.

As it turns out, she called OM Sunday night after I left. I was afraid of that. He came over and tried to "comfort" her, tried to make a move and grope her. Nice move bud. She got angry just talking about it, and said she might need to change her number because he's always calling and texting her. She didn't want him to know she was back in town, but he drove by and found out. He's a real stalker her. A few weeks ago I guessed that she's moving to Houston to get away from him, and she said "that's a good guess." I told her I'll do anything to help, and I wish she'd let me.

She admitted that she had wanted to go for a motorcycle ride and have some fun this weekend, but felt that I was presumptuous to make elaborate plans. Showed me once again how important the "no expectations" rule is. Our relationship is so fragile right now, but I think I'm learning how to handle it better thanks to the advice on this board.

At one point, she gave me feedback about how she feels when I talk about other women (this was just a funny story), and I really thanked her for the feedback and apologized for making her feel that way. The lines of communication were definitely open, and I felt like I had my W back, if only for one night. We spent most of the night packing up her stuff. It was so nice to sleep next to her again.

I ended up having to store a lot more of her stuff at my place, which is good. She'll have to come back for it. She's also going to have doctor appointments in Dallas once a month. Best-case I can DB like crazy and see her once a month.

A little text exchange today capped it off:
W: Thank you so much for your selflessness last night and this morning
Me: Thanks for being my princess
W: bye bye my prince

Overall, a very encouraging end to the weekend. I'm so emotionally and physically exhausted today that I can't really process it all right now. Does any of this mean anything? Maybe not.

I'm making huge steps in some issues in my life right now, and need to work on setting goals and posting them here. If she gives me another chance I don't want to screw it up again.

[MichelleLT]

"my prince"!!!

Wow, you guys obviously had a great night. I am glad she is enjoying the bike and is reaching out to you for help.

Stay focused on the positives, keep your expectations low, and be her unconditional friend. You are really making amazing progress.

[jon2911]

"my prince"!!!

Wow, you guys obviously had a great night.

Ha, yes we did. Thanks for reminding me about low expectations. Inevitably she'll go back home, be reminded of the horrible things I've done, and revert back. I wish her parents would just stay out of this, but oh well.

I just found out that her dad is having double hip replacement. They can only do one at a time, so he'll be laid up for 4 months. On top of that, he's been diagnosed with shingles (ouch!) and diabetes. This guy is a high-roller Vice President of his company, so its extremely hard on him. Doesn't sound like moving home will relieve stress like W hopes. We'll see.

[MichelleLT]

Just remember, she is having a rough time as it is, her dad's surgeries will only add to it. It's important not to take her moods/irritability/however she shows her stress personally and to be there to support her when she lets you.

Her mood swings are normal for a WAS, focus on the good times and ignore the bads. If that means boundary setting and not talking to or seeing her if she is lashing out at you, then do it.

[jon2911]

Time to catch up on some journaling.

Wednesday texting:
W: I hope you enjoy your dinner this evening.
(I told her I have a lot of new guy friends, was going out to dinner with them).
Me: did you make it home?
W: Yes yes thank u again for your help
Me: You're welcome, it was an honor. Thanks so much for asking me.


On Thursday, W left me a voicemail. She heard a band on the radio and said it sounded like my music. Band is One Republic, song "Stop and Stare". She was thinking about me and even called to tell me. She hasn't done that in a while. I texted her that the song rocks.

[jon2911]

Early Friday morning:
Passwords for benefits are Georgethedog, Lolathedog. Thank u for supplying benefits for me Jon.

- this was very surprising. She's been trying to forget our two dogs, one of the best "togetherness" things we ever did. Also, she's never thanked me for putting her on my benefits. Before, she was mean when mentioning them.

Me: One Republic Rocks! Thanks for the tip, and have a great weekend.
W: Stop and staaaaaare
Me: Pic message of Chachi's Mexican Food (inside joke)

- again, almost like it was before

[jon2911]

Quiet over the weekend, I had a great motorcycle ride to Austin to visit family and friends. My grandpa gave me some great DB advice (back off, don't push, let her choose to spend time with me, etc.) He went through a similar situation, and is a lot more encouraging than the rest of my family.


Last night:
W: why did you install Safari on my laptop?
- what? Could tell she was angry.

Me: I didn't. Apple installs it automatically with iTunes now. Very controversial. Hope you're feeling well.
W: Thanks for telling me that. I'm sorry. How r u feeling?
Me: Feeling good. Enjoyed recovery group and I'm hanging with new friends at Starbucks. Wanna hit Village Burger? I'm right next door.
W: I'm in Houston, thanks though.
Me: He he I know, was just kidding. I'll always remember when we first went there on Valentines.
- of course I know that W is in Houston. Guess she couldn't tell I was kidding.

W: Dork. I am making sweet potato fries tomorrow... can't wait.
Me: Mmmm, that sounds good. Sweet potato fries sounds like some southern black woman in the kitchen. LOL.
- again this was a joke (didn't mean to sound racist either). W loves the sweet potato fries at that place.

W: those fries make me think of Village Burger. Is this Jon Webster?
Me: yes, why?
W: That didn't sound like you. Watch "Meet the Browns" if u get a chance. I'm still laughing days later. I e-mailed u something this evening. G'night.
Me: Cool, thanks for the movie tip.

- checked my e-mail, and it was a funny joke from W. Overall, I was in a good mood during the exchange, maybe joked around too much but it caught her off guard. Which may be good? Reading and journaling this I'm actually encouraged by the interaction.

I'm really down today, lots of negative thoughts in the night. But I'm auditioning to play in the band at church tomorrow. Very stoked. They're the best church worship band I've ever seen, should be a good GAL.

[jon2911]

W e-mailed me at 3:45 AM. I guess she's still having trouble sleeping. She found a job listing at Google and thought I should look at it. So, she's thinking of me and looking out for me. Cool.

This morning I found out I got a promotion at work! The new position looks a lot more fun and challenging. My new boss is extremely cool, and he has an iPhone. This may not sound like much, but the company I work for is a bunch of nerdy engineers, and this guy is different. So GAL is going well. Band audition at 5:00 tonight, I'm nervous but should be fun.

[jon2911]

W e-mailed me with her new Houston cell number. Makes me sad, but I'm very glad she gave me her new one.