[girlfromipanema]

Thanks for your support, KK, lwb and Karen. It's so helpful.

I think one reason why I'm struggling so much right now is because I have no escape. Everywhere I go, my situation is in my face. The three of us (H, me, OW) work within 15 feet of one another (our offices are laid out in a triangle, nonetheless). I hear the two of them interacting so friendly and flirtatiously and it is becoming unbearable. I hear his phone ring at home and I know it's her. I hear his phone beep when I new text message arrives and I know it's her. I can't escape this situation for even a millisecond in each day and it's driving me out of my mind. I just need some space from all of this but I have no where to turn... blah!

I really do feel like I stand to lose everything. One other thing boyfriend of OW said to me - that really, really hurt because I'm afraid it's true...

BFofOW: You know what Boss would do if H and OW do end up together don't you?

Me: What would he do?

BFofOW: You'd be gone.

Meaning, my H and OW are much more valuable to the company than me, so I would be out of a job without a second thought. I don't know how true this statement is. I've been with the company longer than my H and OW - but they are both extremely valuable and I could be easier to replace. That kind of reality knocks the wind out of me. These are the thoughts that run through my mind and leave me feeling so bleak.

I REALLY need to focus my thoughts on the good things in my life - on my many wonderful qualities, on my integrity, on my determination...

That is my goal today.