Fast forward again.....OW buys H an ipod for Christmas that he lies about and says he won at work....I knew.....
....My D15 tore in to him and he told her he didn't expect her to understand relationships now and she would when she got older...I want my H to come home but I dont know how to get that to happen...he kept a secret from me, he had no faith in his wife but told the OW before he told me....I'm sure they are planning their future together that will involve his other child.....
Where do I start......
Treese
So sorry to hear your story! I guess most of us here have stories involving lying H's and affairs (or it sounds like maybe several affairs in your H's case).
Since you were in MLC, have you already been DBing and GALing b/c that was so important for my PMA??? I started with no PMA at all or TMA I guess (T for terrible)! I also do therapy and AD's as well; I think some here do that and some don't. Have you read Divorce Remedy? I'm also reading the "Change your Life and Everyone in it" also by Michele Weiner-Davis and it looks like that will be helpful also.
DBing and GALing were very important to me and have helped me to get a lot stronger, healthier, and happier. I now feel OK with whatever happens in our R: either we will reconcile or we won't and I know I will be OK!!!
I also think 180's are really good. Have you been working on those? I was really weak and have been working on being stronger, having boundaries with my H and just have recently really been able to do that finally! I was very dependent on H and immediately tried to work on being as independent as possible. I was depressed and with DBing, GALing, therapy, and AD's combo I have become a pretty happy person for someone going through this. Those have all been good changes for me, although I started doing all this for my H, I have recently started doing this for me which I think is good too, but maybe it takes a while until you get confident or strong enough to do that like it did for me!
My 180s were all focused on me btw b/c my H is having an MLC I think right now and is kind of messed up, so I believe it is better to focus on myself instead of focusing on the R and my messed up H! Of course, you need to figure out your own 180s and everyone will have different. Some will work and keep doing them; if they don't work for you and your R then you can quit that and try another 180 that might be better in your sitch.
And of course keep posting and venting here and asking any questions you have. This board has been so important for helping me; I don't know how I would have gotten through this past year if not for this board and I appreciate everyone here so much for all their help!!! :)(sorry I often wind up doing long posts!!!) Karen
Of course, you need to figure out your own 180s and everyone will have different. Some will work and keep doing them; if they don't work for you and your R then you can quit that and try another 180 that might be better in your sitch.
