Not to burst your bubble, but saying, "calm down", and then trying to explain why she isn't calm is invalidating and fixing. Yes, you took her abuse, but you didn't do anything to defuse it. And there is a chance that being Mr. Chipper is pissing her off. Plus, you made her get up first (even though you went to bed earlier). When she was on a tear and asked about the cleaner, you could have just said you'd get it. You could have asked what was wrong. You could have said, "sorry you feel that way" when she ranted at you.
Of course, it's acceptable to walk away from that kind of swearing at you. It would also be okay to set a boundary that you don't want her doing that in front of the kids. Or you could say, can we take this elsewhere.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
