Letter from WAW after she flew to my city for talk

[saffie]

GH,

My H and I didn't separate. I also didn't know about the A until the last week. It went on for 18 months. I new things weren't ok in my M but not why. I had made some major changes to myself and this led to my H coming to me and telling me about his A.

I don't know whether or not he was ready to end the A anyways - he had to think things through - I just don't know for sure. A's quite often finish between 12-18 months and I know the OW was pressurising my H - who knows?

In order for the reconciliation to work though, there had to be absolutely no OW contact, and we both had to be 100% transparent. My H read a couple of articles I gave him on healing from infidelity and they explained to him how I would be feeling. They were well written and made him realise the importance of being honest and open. It made him realise that it was better not to hide things just because he knew that telling me them would hurt me - he understood my need to know everything, however painful. They also told me how he would be feeling and it helped me cope with issues arising from that.

Personally I don't believe that getting back together is the time to hold back. Diplomacy is essential but so is honesty.

I read earlier in your thread that your W is going to be on a business trip with OM sometime in the next few weeks. Can she not do that? It would bother me. Any contact with OM doesn't seem right. I agree with the poster above who said that it seems a bit strange that she got together just a couple of days after separation - I bet it was leading up to happening before. Honesty and openess in communications are huge factors - how can one rebuild trust without them? I couldn't have done.

Each couple has different ways of interacting. The written word is one of the easier ways for my H and I. That was why giving him articles to read on what the LBS feels like worked well for us. I even got him to read the infidelity section in DB.

Hang in there.