All I can focus on is the lack of love from my husband. My thoughts are centered completely around him. If I'm so great, why can't he love me? If I'm so delightful why does he hate me? WHY CAN'T HE WANT TO WORK ON OUR MARRIAGE? He knows the impact a divorce will have on my life - I stand to lose EVERYTHING. He'll get to continue on as is - same job, same house... new woman.
I spoke to "friend's" long-term boyfriend again today. Huge mistake. Every time I talk to him I feel about a zillion times worse. A couple things he said that probably contributed to my current state of mind:
"I'm the only one who doesn't think they're having an affair." "They sure enjoy each other's company." "They'll probably end up together. Who knows."
Whatever. I wanted to offer my shoulder for him to lean on, but I don't think it's good for my PMA.
Girl, I am sorry sounds like you were having a low day--hopefully you feel better today! Yeah, I ask myself questions like that all the time too. I did really work on improving myself at first for H and now do it for me. I have become stronger, more independent, and happier. I used to ask myself those same questions, but now I just feel like my H is in a MLC or something and can't see what is in front of him. If he decides to divorce and stay with OW, then it will be his loss. And you won't lose everything; you will be OK. I felt like that too, but then I focus on my kids and myself and that is probably a lot healthier for me than focusing on an H that is really messed up right now.
I agree with you about not hanging out with your "friend" that makes comments that hurt your PMA like that. He may not be trying to deliberately or unconciously hurt you, but I think those kind of comments DO hurt you. My C says to avoid being around toxic people when you can (I think she is talking about my H!) and I think you might want to do the same thing. Your friend right now sounds a little toxic.
Good to hear it sounds like you are really working on yourself and your goals, and I think if you continue to do that you will feel better and stronger on more days, at least that's how it has worked for me anyway! Karen
Karen