Please help...need MLC advice

[tpaschal]

I want to comment on your question about why did you stand for your marriage when it didn't work out in the end.

You can't see the other side, but in my opinion you would feel even worse if you didn't stand or DB but instead went straight to divorce. You would always wonder "what if?"

You did what you could and that will serve you well in the end. I understand that money is an issue, but I really think that trying to keep your family intact trumped the money issue. In other words, it was worth the money to know that you did everything you could to save the marriage.

I know the feeling of being paralyzed to make a choice. But don't let things happen around you because of it.

Don't beat yourself up for your choices. Trust in God - He knows what is best for you. You WILL be happy again someday.

Hugs,
Pam

Pam,

First, I apologize for calling you Meredith! I know that you are Pam---my brain was all over the place yesterday.

Thank you for your encouraging words. You are right---if I hadn't DB'd, I would always wonder "what if?" The chance to keep my family intact does trump the money issue.

It is scary, though. I've seen enough people post on the "Surviving the Big D" thread, and known enough people who have gone through this in real life, to know that I can be happy again someday. But even though I know it, in the middle of all this it's hard to KNOW it. It's hard to trust.

I know I have to put my faith and trust in God, but that's sometimes hard for us control freaks, huh???

I read something in one of rcr's old threads that helped that came from a Jim Conway chat---saying he liked the term surrender instead of detach. I know that's what I need to work on. I've been trying to detach from H, and while that's helped me stay on a more even keel emotionally by minimizing the daily wounds and much of the drama, it hasn't helped me move on with living like he's not coming back.

I need to surrender my M, my H, and my fears to God.