You're continuing to handle this very well; kudos to you, my man.
Her "I already ended it" sounds like B.S. to me, and it simply doesn't matter. The rebuilding of trust is something that needs to be done for YOU, as you stated, so the no-contact letter must be done in a way that YOU are comfortable with. You should have final approval of its content, and you should mail it so that she can't add anything to it or soften it in any way.
I suspect that they are at an EA stage, and will only try to push the relationship more underground, especially over the next couple of weeks. They have probably already had several "HE IS WATCHING ME LIKE A HAWK!" conversations, and I would expect that your wife will be on her best behavior for the next few weeks.
She needs to:
- send the no-contact letter, the content of which needs to be approved by YOU;
- change her cellphone number;
- agree with you on a full transparency system -- change the cellphone # with detailed on the new # coming directly to you; leave her cellphone out for you to look at any time you wish; the two of you should exchange daily schedules; she is to tell you when she's slipped up and had contact, and answer you truthfully when you ask "have you contacted him?" and not be defensive about it.
In exchange, YOU have to not "lord it over her" and rub her nose in the affair at every opportunity, and you have to THANK her if she's honest and tells you about contact.
