UGH!!! This ow has some nerve!! She cut D4's hair and it's crooked and looks like total crap! I love how she's jockeying to not only be the new wife but also the new mommy. How many times is she going to cross the line?? Remember how she used to buy D4 gifts and I had to demand that stop?? She's a total idiot!
OW crossed the line definitely!!!! She is not the mommy. I mean, you two are not even D'ed yet!!! I mean, in the long term, if OW and your H get married and she is the step mom (sorry if this is harsh words to hear), she will need to earn her role as a step mom before she can do such things!!! Sorry to say this but I think your H seems to be weak in front of her and cannot "control" the situation when he is there with her? He is the daddy. D4 cannot refuse as she is so small.
Hi this is my first time posting in your thread.. just wanted to say 'hi' from your near by. Im in IA too. (go hawks~)
I am soo mad at ur OW! how could she do it to other women's child? I am feeling your pain and anger! She needs a big manual that explains her what she can NOT do!
Sorry for being noisy at the first post. Hope you are okay... Beauty
Me:31 H:29 D:7 S:2 M:7y Together:8y found out his A :07/07 bomb:11/01/07 s: 11/15/07 OW-1 is out of state; other female friends around first thread
1. Do you want your H to have 50% time with D? What does your lawyer say? I think, in most states, mom's get the advantage. Even though adultery does not affect custody, the fact that he's had an affair and wants to give your daughter 50% to a "step-mom" may have bearing. If you are OK with 50-50 time, then ignore my comment.
2. Remember, if your daughter is 50% with OW and husband, and she's at home, your daughter will see her at least equally, if not more than you.
3. A fair agreement is that regarding custody all decisions about all things regarding your daughter are yours and you husbands. The OW needs to agree to agree with your joint decisions. Haircuts, toys, clothing, sex-ed, television, dating, etc....all these decisions are yours and your husband's. The OW needs to agree.
4. Now to revisit the situation. Why not get full custody and joint custody and your H gets to see D every other weekend and one night a week?
5. Sara is right, your husband wants 2 women, and....he's honestly confused. Being D and living with OW will take it's toll.
6. The OW is a symbol for him of something "other" than you. Perhaps she's more "Suzy homemaker". Maybe she's more assertive. Maybe she wants you daughter AND husband. In may case, my wife wanted the OM to be a father to my children. She was looking for a complete replacement. In fact, it may be the case that he really wanted my kids.
7. Wait until you are divorced to date. You can always tell your daughter you held the moral high ground.
8. Regarding your church. It's your home church. Your husband needs to leave. Even if the elders don't have the courage to discipline him or ask him to stop mentoring the youth, they should, for decency's sake, ask him to worship somewhere elses since you are divorcing and it's the result of his affair. If they don't, then the message they send out is your H has an affair, leaves you, parades his new "family" and mistress in front of the church and you end up leaving. It's stomach churning and obscene. Am I being clear? I have senior contacts in many denominations, including yours, and, if you want, I'd be happy to have someone call your elder board and put the thumbscrews on them. Well, maybe not put "thumbscrews" on them, rather, shed some light. ;-) I'm willing to do it.
Olive, sorry to hear the OW is such a nightmare it sounds like! She doesn't sound very smart (or very talented at cutting hair)! That would make me crazy if the OW did that to my D8 !!! Karen
Reading about OW cutting your D's hair (even if it had been a good cut!!) made my heart just ache, and my blood boil!
Theoden is so right; even if you do have 50/50 custody, you absolutely should be involved in ALL decisions, esp. for such a young child (my younger son is 12, and if/when I get to this point, my H d*mn well better still not let OW pull similar crap...)
I hope you give H what-for over this...
S18 and I are flying into Cedar Rapids next Thurs. to go visit Grinnell...any of you Iowans from up that way?? I'll have a free Friday night to burn in the big city of Grinnell....
L2
and Theoden, you don't know me from thin air, but you really are a king...I watched a good bit of LOTR last weekend, and imagined you... just wanted to let you know how much your posts always resonate with me!
Uhhhhh.... I hate to say this, but it's only the beginning. OP tend to want to get on children's "good side" and play mom or dad so the person they are dating will see what a great mom or dad they would make. Unfortunately, this is something one should expect...
My suggestion is that you calmly tell H that you would like to be informed of any hair cuts, body piercings, tatoos etc... prior to them being done. You are her parent and have a right to be involved in decisions of this nature. If OW wants to pick out clothes, buy toys, things like that. You are fine with those kinds of decisions (D can wear those clothes when she's with H and not at your home). But hair or body changes.... you have a right to be involved with that. Tell him (and OW) it's disrespectful for this to be done without your consultation and approval.
Tell H you will be happy to do the same. Tell him you won't allow men you are dating to make changes to daughter's hair as well without H's approval.
Be calm and together. Do not fly off the handle. You will just give OW and H fuel for saying what an unreasonable bit@h you are and how H did the right thing D you. Don't give them that satisfaction.
In fact, OW may know, or hear about how your H is regretful sometimes and missing you. She may have done this hair thing just to make you angry so she can say to your husband, "See what a bad temper she has!!! Why on earth are you missing this woman?"
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
She doesn't sound very smart (or very talented at cutting hair)! That would make me crazy if the OW did that to my D8 
!!! Karen