Personally I think you should tell her how you feel but do so in a non threatening, non judgmental way.

She needs you to be honest with her but she does not need to be accused. You need to keep channels of communication open and make her feel able to talk to you.

If you look at my signature line you will see how long I have been at this. I have learnt that the changes we make in order to be better people and keep the M alive are permanent changes. Whatever you do don't stop DBing-it's a life skill. That doesn't mean don't talk etc, but it does mean keep an eye on things and do 180's if you need to. Communicate effectively. Be the best you can be.

I think the phase you are about to move onto can be very hard; one spends so long just wanting another chance -and then if you are lucky you get it. However the rush of emotions can be overwhelming. Just when you imagined life would be all romance etc you get these strong feelings of resentment, hate for the OP etc coming to the front. Or you can be having a very good day and suddenly you will be side swiped by a painful memory or a hurtful thought. Anniversaries of dates when things happened will be so painful....and because you have your spouse back you think you shouldn't be feeling these things. Well all those feelings are normal.

I am lucky in that my H supports me through these times if I can explain to him in a non judgemental way what is going on. Sometimes I fail miserably and get quite accusing - which doesn't go down well as he gets defensive as he feels guilty - but other than that he really helps me through. We try to replace the bad memories with new, good ones.

It took around a year post reconciliation before my H acknowledged completely out of the blue that the OW, was a skank. I tried for a long time to forgive the OW but it twisted me up. I felt so bad that I HATED her; I was brought up never to HATE anyone. In the end, the only way I could move on was to just acknowledge to myself that I didn't have to forgive her; I don't think I ever will. Since I decided that her significance has diminished.

Good luck to you. \:\)

Saffie
me 46
H 46
M in 1986
D20,D18,S16,D13
H's A 01/05 to 07/06
H recommitted to M 07/06
renewed vows 09/06
Going from strength to strength