Although I was respectful of H's schedule (wouldn't sweep the kids away if he wanted to visit him), I would just start doing things on my own, my way, no concerns for H. Think of fun things your kids would love to do and do them. Then, get a sitter and do something for yourself. It takes time to get there. I think SuperDad is also right, your boys won't question much as long as fun is involved.
About the A. After I found out about it, I swear I couldn't look H in the eye for weeks, couldn't be around him at all. Then as the shock wore off, I wanted to be around him more, and that backfired. We both felt claustrophobic, so he started pulling away. That's when I let go a bit and started doing things on my own. H felt 'freed' as did I.
Assuming and snooping. Both hard habits to give up.
