Hey nlt, I have been away with S8 during his hospital stay for the past week and have been able to only read in snippets and not really been able to post (stupid public connection).
Anyway, you have gotten a lot of good advice, he is not ready to think about how much he is hurting. At least to me, part of the MLC is the person being very selfish and ignoring the feelings of others. Just try to be supportive, which I know seems counter productive, and upbeat, which seems impossible. Just try and stay postive and keep moving forward for yourself.
I am sending some good vibrations your way. Good luck to you.
Ken Me: 37 Her: 38 Son: 8 (spina bifida) Son:2 M 6/24/1994 S 1/21/2008 Original Sitch
Hey Ken, I hope your S is doing better? Did W come to see him while he was in the hospital?
Thank you for all your support & the good vibrations!! I'm still hoping that H will wake up soon & realize this OW is not for him. I know right now he probably things she is but he is so off base by moving so far away. I do hope he will come back here when he wakes up & I hope he will realize someday what he has done. It's just scary to have to start over. I just felt like we were meant to be together. I really never thought all of this would get this far. I thought he would wake up before now. I guess it just takes time, but how long????
(((HUGS))) I do hope everything goes well for you & your sitch!!
Haha, if we all knew how long things would take, we would not be that stressed. But all we can do is be better for ourselves. You seem to have a decent head on your shoulders, just were blindsided on the long term plans you had in your head for you and your SO. I am in the same boat. I just went to the home improvement store and was really saddened because i was viewing everything and thinking that we could do that for the house... HA!
Anyway, yes, the W came up a good bit. I did a quick update on my post on the main points that happened. Thanks for the hugs. I am going to go out and do some planting in my flower boxes.
Ken Me: 37 Her: 38 Son: 8 (spina bifida) Son:2 M 6/24/1994 S 1/21/2008 Original Sitch
Yes, I went to the home improvement store myself & the first time I was there I just started crying because my H & I always went together & bought flowers & things to plant. I didn't buy anything that day, too sad but I went back last week & got flowers & planted them. It looks so nice & I want it to look nice when he comes to get his things. He will see that I can take care of things myself. He said I depended on him too much. Of course he re-wrote history as I understand all MLCer's do.
I just gave my dogs a bath & now I'm going to work on the inside of the house & make sure everything looks really nice. Someone said once they move in with the OW that it is the beginning of the end of the R, I sure hope they are right!!! I will check out your post for an update.
I'm glad your W checked on your S. Have fun planting, it's hard work but it will make you feel better!!! I promise, it did me!!!!
I'm so sorry the D will be final so soon. D doesn't have to be the end of your R. You will need a lot of patience. You seem to be doing a little better. Of course you'll have some good days and some not so good days. It's great how you're keeping your house looking nice. H will notice even if he doesn't mention it. All WAS rewrite history - we've all heard those things. Don't believe most of what he says - it's a way of him justifying his actions.
Good luck with your job interview!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
So good to hear from you!! It is killing me that the D will be final. I so hope he will wake up soon. I keep thinking about him & yes I guess I'm doing some better although I usually wake up in the middle of the night & cry myself back to sleep. I just can't understand how he could let this OW control him & get him to move to TX so far away from everyone & quit his excellent job that he has been at for 10 years! He usually wants to be the one in control. I just can't figure out how he could go to the extreme of things as he has. He normally had a good head on his shoulders but right now he is just doing things so off the wall. I've seen pictures of her & she looks like she sleeps with every Tom, Dick & Harry, but what can you say about someone who has been married at least 3 times & runs after a married man. She made the comment in one of her emails that this nice TX gal was trying to maintain some scrap of dignity but she didn't. I've read emails they sent to each other & it is sickening. They are saying how much in love they are & that they will be together for years & years. My H told her he never loved or felt like this before. Well, he told me that & said I was the love of his life & he couldn't imagine his life without me. This is killing me to think that she has him now & we were so much in love at one time & now he thinks he is in love with her. I guess you could say I'm having a rough afternoon.
Think of your H as an alien - he's doing things that are very out of character. Most of us are faced with this with our WAS. They become the opposite of who they were. Try to get your mind off OW as much as possible. I know this is so very difficult to do but it's not helping you at all to keep thinking about her. They're behaving like teenagers - those feelings are not love but infatuation. Try to use the stop sign technique from DR when you find yourself thinking about them. Your H is pretty much following the MLC script in most of his actions. Remember do not believe anything he says and only 50% of what he does.
Hang in there! Focus your energy on your job interview.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
You are so right!! All the emails that I have read that they wrote to each other does sound like teenagers & I believe it is infatuation. Even though she made the comment that she was so glad that it was true love & not the crazies of infatuation. Whatever!!
I know I shouldn't want him back the way he has treated me. He cussed me out one night & I've never heard him use language like that especially to me. He did come to me, 3 days later & apologized but the damage was done. I told him I appreciated his apology. That was in January. I know he is really mad at me now because I got the house & alimony, he didn't intend for me to have either one. So, I am hoping all this legal stuff doesn't push him away from me all together. He is bad to hold a gruge, but he was once totally in love with me so I can only hope one day he will remember how he felt about me.
Thank you for your encouragement! I need it so much. Here you have been helping me get through this, I need to go to your post & find out about your sitch. I know a little & I know I can't be as helpful as you have been to me but I can sure try.
Question.... When my H comes on Friday & Saturday to get his things, should I let him know that if he needs a friend he can let me know or call me?? If I should do this, how would I need to go about saying this to him or since this alien is still in him should I just not say anything about it??? My plan is to be cordial when I'm around him & that's all. My friend is coming on Saturday morning to spend the rest of the weekend with me & she said she is bringing a bottle of good wine with her. I'll probably need it after he leaves! Thanks for all your advice!!
Question.... When my H comes on Friday & Saturday to get his things, should I let him know that if he needs a friend he can let me know or call me??
I wouldn't - He probably knows that already, but he won't want to hear it.
I told W once that I was available to listen. She took that as "Talk to me. RIGHT NOW!!". Of course, she calls me when she needs someone to talk to, so it was in her head all along.
Good luck to you.