You are right. I can only change me. I guess it is all still so very new and painful for me. It is difficult to walk this line right now but I know things will improve as I move through the custody stage.
I'm still so saddened to know you have been in my shoes b/c I know how horrible I feel right now. Thank you for the wonderful advice on the support groups. I'm going to look at them later this week. Also, thank you for your support and encouragement. I hope your custody situation is progressing for you. I understand how much you must ache to not see your boy. I miss my D madly.
In the end, I do have to take care of me for myself and my D. I talked about this in therapy today how the feelings and the pain makes you want to give in, but I know I can't in the long run for the sake of my D and myself. I'm trying to remember I have to "go through the pain to get through the pain" along w/ "short term loss, long term gain." If I'm consistent about these thoughts, I'll be ok, but I'll still find myself blue every now and again.
My T and I also discussed how even though I know I'll be able to move on and eventually get over this, there will always be saddness in me over the loss of my friend, my family, and my dreams. It won't be the type of saddness that will control my life, but I believe there will be a definite loss w/ me forever. That makes me sad too.
Today, W sent an e-mail to my supervisor at work asking him to write an official letter to her which outlined every single extra-curricular activity I've done for the school over the past 6 years to prove I "haven't been involved in D's life 50% of the time."
Well, the policy is work can't say anything about any employee and if anyone does, they could be dismissed. They'll have to subpoena people to get them to testify in court on the matter. So, it looks like W's not going to get her way on this one. She even was a bit threatening at the end of the letter -- "if you are not willing to help me, let me know so I can contact the others individually." Needless to say the letter went to my friend at work who is the head golf coach and I'm his assistant. He let me know what was up right away and gave me a copy of the e-mail for my L.
So... when I got to my L's as scheduled today, I was able to give him more than just the final information on the financials (which I hand-delivered to her attorney's office this afternoon). After L and I finished up the financials, L was pretty ticked off about W's e-mail to my work and wrote a letter to her L demanding a retraction b/c she misrepresented the situation by saying I'm fighting her for custody and the 50% deal.
He stated that she is actually fighting me for primary custody and the only reason she had more time w/ D was b/c her job only called for her to be on campus 25 hrs/week while mine is 40+. My L's letter said we don't deny she had more time w/ D b/c of work, but outside of work we were evenly responsible for D. I think it is funny he demanded a retraction from W. I'm curious to see how this one goes.
Well, I'm going to call D in a few minutes then head to the gym to work w/ the trainer. I'm not sure what type of reception I'll get from W (if any), but as usual, I'll let you know.
