this is maryangela -- have to start new thread

[NikB]

Hi Mary,

Sorry I haven't checked in for awhile - been extremely busy lately.

GD made an excellent point on your last thread about how we'd be much better able to help if it was more of a dialogue back and forth. You could still do that here by replying to some of our last posts on your prior thread.

HE'S cold to ME!!! Imagine that. I know he's just projecting his guilt, but it's SO hard.

You don't know this - you don't know why he's being cold. Remember that you can't read his mind.

As of up until I found out about the affair, we were having the best sex ever and it was emotional and close and he'd hold me for the longest time after -- he never used to do that before. We even started talking about future things like our house, etc. I wasn't overly enthused, didn't say I love you, but things felt like they were moving in the right direction.

I think this is relatively common. The only thing I can think of is maybe they're thinking "this could be the last time" or something. Again not worth trying to read minds, but I see this happening a lot.

It's totally normal for things to seem better when they aren't too... work on detaching, it will help you deal with the rollercoaster.

He's acting like this because in our relationship I was always the "kooky, unorganized, artsy one" (I'm a singer/songwriter) and he was the responsible, paid the bills, "together" one.

Or not.. you don't know and your friend certainly doesn't either.

I know she is right. Yesterday was civil, but I have to admit, my db'ing has gone downhill. I made a comment yesterday like, "well you created this situation, I didn't". I know it isn't helping. AND, I'm humiliated to admit this, I even asked for sex last night.

Hopefully you learned your lesson from this. No more begging or throwing yourself at him. In his eyes it's going to be very pathetic, the opposite of the image you want to project right now.


Not quoting the rest because this will be way too long

Yes, good job not looking through the phone. Contacting her wouldn't do you any good, anyway.

CW has given you excellent advice, glad to see it.

Maryangela - read, re-read, and then re-re-read the sections of the book on detachment. That's what you need to focus on right now to get through this.